I tried to decapitate my toe

Yesterday afternoon we were getting ready for a picnic when I cut open the bottom of my toe/foot area. It was highly unpleasant. And kind of embarrassing. My mom asked me to grab something from the pantry (our pantry is like 10 feet tall). It was barely out of my reach. Instead of taking the minute or so of time to move stuff around and set up the step ladder I decided to be time efficient and just jump up and grab it.

In retrospect it does seem like a dumb decision. However, I have lived in this house for over a year and jumped up to grab items on numerous occasions. At the time it seemed a reasonable action to take.

I landed on something and it hurt. It felt like a paper cut, a sharp stabbing pain. I looked down, this was possibly another mistake. Blood had gushed out of my foot all over the floor. There was a small puddle of blood on the pantry floor that was getting bigger while I put pressure on my foot. I turned my foot over and could see into my toe. A flap of skin had popped open, it looked like someone had tried to peel all the skin off. I freaked out.

My family members all rushed to the kitchen to see what they could do to help. After looking at the wound they decided it needed stitches. They bandaged up the toe in an attempt to stop the bleeding and took my to InstaCare.

Unfortunately the place was located in an intersection that is under construction. Traffic was at a standstill and we took the side roads, which ended up being blocked off and we did a circle around the building before getting to the lot. My father was driving and was not happy with the traffic. I was sitting in the middle of the back seat with my foot propped up on the passenger side seat. I did what most people do. I texted my best friends a picture of my bandaged foot. Responding to their messages kept me from freaking out about getting stitches. I have never had stitches before. 

The clinic was basically empty. I am assuming it's because of the horrible traffic. I got in to see a doctor in what is probably record time. I am almost positive you can't really read my handwriting on the information form. I probably should have had my father fill it out, but it's a little late for that.

The nurse was very nice. I remember she had on these light blue cowboy boots and black scrubs. She also had a really nice voice when she said my heart rate was elevated. Had I not been in so much pain it would have been funny in a I wan to punch you sort of way.

Had that nurse been the doctor things would have gone better. He came in and it all went down hill from there. He was an older, heavy man with a slow, wanna be Texas drawl. (I say want to be because it's Wyoming and most people from Wyoming who try and effect a Texas drawl don't do it right.) After looking at my foot he declared it a superficial lesion slapped two bandages on it and sent me home.

It was slightly more involved than that but the whole visit couldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes. I have a gouge out of the bottom of my toe and slice out of the side. The side cut almost looks like my skin just burst open. It's disturbing to look at. What's slightly more disturbing is that the bottom gouge connects to the side slice so that half of my toe skin can flap up.

I spent most of the examination gritting my teeth and trying not to bitch every time his pudgy fingers poked the open wound. For some reason the doctor did not realize, or possibly care, that it was really only one cut. He kept saying it didn't need stitches. Now it is possible there was nothing to keep the stitches in and they would only cause more problems but that isn't what he said. The doctor also told me I would be able to walk on it with out any problems. He only told me that after I asked. He also said I could take ibuprofen or Tylenol but didn't say how often or how much. Which I found highly irritating because I try to never take pain medicine if I could to something else to alleviate the pain, like drinking more water or eating something different.

By the time I got home I had already bled through the bandages the doctor had put on. I was so tempted to call them back and bitch at him. He had specified, the only thing he'd actually told me to do, that I needed to change the bandages once a day for the next ten days or so. When I'd asked if I would need to do more than that he'd said in a very snooty voice, "Once a day will be fine."

Subtext "I am the doctor, this is not a real problem."

You know when you can just hear what someone is saying?

That's what happened then. The doctor had decided I was a young woman who came in because of a little cut. Problem solved.

Even the nurse asked if he should look at it from another angle. If you are a doctor what would it hurt to have another look at something? It would have taken less then a minute and might have possibly made my life a little easier. It's not like he had another patient to look at.

Instead of him doing his job my mother has bandaged up my toe and I've been on bed rest. Which is very boring. Very boring. And quite possibly the only reason I wrote this post. Because every time I get up and walk around blood starts leaking all over the place. It's messy and disgusting.

Would you like a cucumber, oh wait, that's a zucchini

I did more training at work this week, but this time I got to do the cooking. It was fun, kind of terrifying when you look up and see a whole bunch of tickets hanging and you can't read the hand writing very well and you aren't sure how to make the orders. All things considered it went okay. None of the orders got messed up and everyone seemed happy and full when they left. Being a restraunt we really can't ask for more. Just happy costumers and really good food.

The most difficult part was not getting pickle juice all over the sandwiches. We use a lettuce leaf, an orange slice and a pickle as a garnish. It looks good, tastes good and has a bad habit of getting pickle juice all over the plate and coincidentally the sandwiches we put on the plate.

I guess this might have been more amusing if I'd already posted the stories about the espresso machine. That just means you get to anticipate the awesomeness. Hopefully that will get done sometime this week... I see you judging me. And I'd have to agree. Probably not going to happen.

Coming soon. Why adding avocado to a panini can make a mess.

I can use the force

A friend from work has recently suckered me into taking Aikido with her. It has been a rather interesting experience. One I am not particularly good at. The only thing that keeps me going back to the classes is that I paid for three months up front (it was kind of required) and I like being able to say that I am learning how to use the Force.

Strictly speaking it's using the persons own momentum and force against them. I guess it's all about leverage and body movement...? Like I said I am not particularly good at it.

We do get to do the lazy Captain Morgan. It's hilarious. But more on that later.

If you're thinking "Mishi is going to learn how to that?"
followed by a growing sense of horror
I completely agree.
Mwahahahahahahaha!

The Emergency Room is not to be used for hair cutting

Today is probably the worst day I've had in recent memory. With my new job I have Friday's and Saturday's off. This morning I woke up to my father whistling and yelling that he needed help. Anyone who has roomed with me knows it takes a few seconds for my brain to have any intelligent thoughts. I took too long to answer and my dad burst in my room shouting that he needed help, that he couldn't see and that he needed to go to the hospital. Not exactly a great combination.

I grabbed the first semi clothes like objects I could find, picked up my purse and ran upstairs. My father was in the garage manually pulling the door down. He'd been in the middle of installing the garage door opener when his eyes went wonky, one looking up the other down. He said it lasted for about five minutes. Since he looked okay I asked if he felt good enough for me to put on real clothes before we left for the ER. It only took me about minute to put on real clothes but it felt like an eternity.

When I got back upstairs (it was a good thing I'd gone down to my room to get dressed because my car keys were not in my purse) my father was back up on a ladder finishing the instillation... He took too long to answer questions and insisted on locking the back door before we left. It was rather annoying. If your in pain we need to just go, screw the back door.

Never before have I hated bad drivers so much. Never. I've also never hated school zones like I did today. I will admit that I went over the speed limit. But not a lot. Something was seriously wrong with my father and I couldn't risk the time it would take by being pulled over. Each minute I was stopped at a red light was excruciating; my thoughts spun out of control as I imagined the worst scenarios. I kept thinking he was going to have a seizure and die in the car and it would have been all my fault because I took the time to get dressed. The emotional roller coaster continued until I pulled into the ER drop off; it then went from up and down to pure panic as I watched daddy stagger in the door. Almost blind panic ensued as I went around to the parking garage to park the car. Later I couldn't even remember what floor I'd parked on.

Parking garages confuse me on good days, hospitals are also notoriously confusing. I'd never been in this hospital before, with the exception of when I was born, and almost burst into tears when trying to ask for directions. Thankfully they had rather large signs with easy to follow arrows. It was easy to get around once I'd calmed down enough so I could actually read the signs.

We waited less than a minute after I found the ER waiting room before being pulled back by a way to chipper nurse. Chick needed to detox the caffeine. The feeling of dread that had started when I woke up got strung tighter and tighter as she continued to ask asinine questions. I wanted to shake her and scream "Can't you tell something is wrong with my daddy?"

The only thing that stopped me was knowing nurses are required to ask those questions, that shaking a nurse is a great way to get kicked out and that one of my best friends is a nurse who talks about the crazy people she deals with at work. I don't want to be one of those crazy people. But it was so hard. It couldn't have been more than five or six minutes before she lead us back to the actual ER. At least that's what I assume it was since the entire area was done in overly soothing, sterile, horrifying hospital style. I don't care what experts in psychology say, there is nothing that can sooth people when someone they love is having medical problems Calm is not even registered as a valid emotion.

Another nurse came into the new patient room, number 13 cuz apparently the hospital staff is not superstitious at all (not that I noticed that until afterwords, like right now), and asked all the same questions again. When the doctor finally got there, and honestly in retrospect it took time but not nearly as long as it could have been, he ask all the questions a third time. I was trying to keep my freaking out to a minimum and not succeeding very well. It didn't help that every few seconds the heart monitor would let out a high pitched beeping noise. Every time I sort of got under control it would let out a loud shriek. Not exactly soothing.

The nurse came back and hooked my father up to an IV and the heart monitor. I sat their and watched it all happening, a useless bystander. It hurts to sit and watch someone you love be in pain, to have to sit there and do nothing. After a while I realized my mother did not know what was happening, I thought about calling her but ended up texting her because I didn't want to explain what was happening on voice mail. She showed up a half hour before noon so I could go get some food. One of the first things she commented on was my dad's hair, apparently it was too long and she wanted to give him a hair cut... Some days I cannot believe the things that she does. It's just unreal.

I remember being absurdly grateful when I saw that people didn't have to pay for the parking garage. I've never taken anyone to the hospital before, much less the emergency room and have never thought about the parking space and stuff that hospitals need. While I was out the doctors had him get a CT scan. Apparently he did not have a stroke, he had a pinched vein (or artery, or something like that) which causes all of the same symptoms as a stroke but isn't as bad...? I am still unclear on all of that.

What I do know is that instead of coming home and relaxing like the nurses told him too he is in the garage fixing the door opener... It's enough to make me develop eye twitches. The good news is that he's fine, there was no permanent damage. Unfortunately the doctors don't know why it happens sometimes and not others. Real helpful.

Somebody tried to pick me up at the library

Okay, so that's not really what happened. But the girl did give me her number. Which was both flattering and strange. And not at all like how I made that sound. I was perusing my the manga section in the library, which is ridiculously small and I wouldn't be too surprised to find out I own more books. Anyway, she happened to be looking at the books too and was extremely happy to meet someone normal who also read manga...

Yeah... I don't think I've ever qualified as normal. *shurg* I do appear more normal than most people who read that particular media. It was just a very strange night. It'd started out with me attempting to take some night shots, the moon was gorgeous (but refused to show up in any of the pictures. Damn you moon!) but it got to cold so I meandered into the library. And ended up meeting a rather interesting person.

"sit does not mean hump my leg"

My mother's dog is insane. It jumps all over the place and is crazy hyper. At least for her. Most of the time I don't go anywhere near it. The dog believes I am his personal slobber post. It's super gross. We had to tie him up because people were coming to see the house (Oh yeah, we're in the middle of selling our house. W00t.) I felt bad for him so after the people left I went out to unhook the chain, totally expecting to be mauled. Which I was, but when I told him to sit he actually sat. This has never happened before. I mean Never. And the most amazing thing is that he stayed sitting, granted I told him to stay. But dogs are not known for their long memories.

Now that I know he'll actually sit I am more inclined to take him for walks. Well, it'd still be more like him dragging me along. But, meh. He's super cute when he behaves.

A dear friend posted this on my fb page.
Not sure where she found it, but it's awesome.

This week has been kind of weird. I got a job offer on Sunday, which means I can quit my awfully job. Part of the reason I haven't been blogging (other than pure lazyness) is because all I want to do is bitch about the worst job I have ever had. I would have preferred to work for my father than continue working where I had a job. (I am not going to say where it was because it doesn't matter).

My new job is at a coffee house bistro thing. Not really sure if it would be classified as a restaurant

Ghettotastic

At work early this week I noticed a printed sign on one of the bathroom stalls. It read "Out of order", which I thought was mildly amusing because it seems like almost everything is "out of order." Anyway it was nearly as funny as two days later when I walked into the bathroom to find that same stall with bright red tape on the door handle and hand written words under the "Out of order" sign. It read "Do NOT Use!!!!!"

I am going to let that sink in for a second. Mostly because I it took me a few minutes to realize what must have happened. Normally I would extrapolate on the awfulness, the awkwardness or the awesomeness of any situation I am blogging about. However, I feel that there are some things I cannot explain in explicit detail on the internet. Suffice to say I about fell over laughing only to stop when I realized how much that must have sucked for the custodians. Those poor, poor people. Give a custodian a hug today. Or if that feels to awkward tell them thanks, they have a sucky job that isn't properly appreciated.

Do you want a sammich?

Everyday when I leave work there is always someone standing at the parking lot exit with a cardboard sign. Most of them say differing things but the common theme is that the people need help. It always makes me feel awkward because I feel like I should give them something to help out, but I never have anything with me. Except today. Today I had an uneaten sandwich from my lunch. I gave it to her. It was one of the more awkward things I've ever done. I held it out the window and asked if she wanted it. She seemed pretty excited. I don't really understand why, but it made me happy that I could help someone.

That experience also made me decided that I am going to join the Terry Pratchett cult, and every time someone asks for help I will give them one of his books. Which are, obviously, the literature handed out by members. Like the "Watchtower", only better. One of the saddest things I was ever heard was the day someone told me Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's.

One of the world's best authors (Photo).

It seems so wrong that such a brilliant man would have to suffer with one of the worst diseases. There is no cure for Alzheimer's.

And this was supposed to be a fun, light hearted and slightly witty post. There goes that idea.

On a completely unrelated note I have learned something new today. Never leave gel pills sitting in a hot car. It's just not a good idea.

I am molting. And it's not pretty

Baby oil is Nirvana.

The worst thing about sunburns is a few days later when skin starts sloughing off like a reptile replacing their scales. It's ugly. It's uncomfortable. It makes me grumpy. Who wants to run around flaking off little pieces of skin?

Plus trying to put anything on a peeling sunburn can be excruciatingly painful. Enough to make me want to run screaming and bash my head through the wall. Even if that wouldn't make me feel better it might be enough so that I pass out for a few hours. I've been running around with an ice pack practically attached to different parts of my body. The skin right under my collar bones is the worst, I move at all and causes this rippling burning sensation. Super painful. Makes it hard to think about anything else.

Which brings me to my next point. Baby oil is Nirvana. It is the only stuff I've been able to put on that doesn't feel like I am dumping molten lava into an open wound. The stuff is fantastic. The only detriment is that I now smell like a baby. And not in a good way. It's that weird kind of stuffy baby smell. At least I don't smell like a dirty baby, so it could be much worse.

I think that sunburns give me a major case ditsy (okay so it's probably not the sunburn, but I like being able to blame it on something other than myself). This week has been full of "Oh... um. My bad?" I dislike being so oblivious. Every single time I've done something stupid it's been in the kitchen.

Mom was getting ready for a picnic lunch and I decided to help her prep the food. She handed me a bunch of celery, told me to slice it up for the potato salad. I grabbed the huge bunch and chopped the bottom off. My mother flipped, apparently we only needed about three stalks instead of all of them. Well, to redeem my failure I decided to help mom peel the eggs, since she wasn't doing a good job. In high school I'd worked on salad bar prep and I remembered how much easier it is to peel eggs if you roll it across the counter, crushing the entire shell (it's pretty cool, it pops right off). I had forgotten that those eggs had been cooled, not straight out of the pot. It seems that just cooked hard boiled eggs will smoosh, all over the place, if you wake them on the counter. Yeah... I then ended up putting a dirty bowl in the pot of cooked potatoes. It was in the sink and I'd thought it was filled with soaking water, not potatoes. My mother was not happy.

Sadly, that was not the end of my reign of terror.

The next day I was cleaning the kitchen and the sink was not draining. Since the clog was on the disposal side I turned it on to take care of the problem. The sink started shaking and it sounded horrible. I thought it might blow up so I turned it off and left the sink alone. The sink seemed to be doing fine and I forgot all about the weird noises. Suppertime rolled around and I tried to open a jar of pesto and ended up dumping oil all over the counter. All over it. Since I had messed up the counter I opted to clean the kitchen after everyone was done eating. The cleaning went just fine, until I knocked over mom's pill box. It fell on the floor, spilled the contents and broke a piece off (mom duck taped it back on). It was about that time I realized the dishrag was missing. I hadn't seen it all day. Yeah, it was in the garbage disposal.

Unfortunately mom still hasn't banned me from the kitchen.

I wish I had a walk in freezer

To hide all the dead bodies. Of course.

Not really. I want it so the next time I get sunburned I can just crawl into it for a few hours. Or so when I find my own method for cryogenic freezing I will already have an place to stash my body. Not that I particularly want to go into cryo, seems like a waste of time. Knowing my luck I would end up like Mr. Freeze from Batman, never able to leave the cold suit thingy.

This would not look good on me. (photo).

Saturday was my Mommy's birthday (she's real old) and we did a picnic lunch birthday party thing. I totally spaced grabbing sunscreen. So did everyone else in my family, we all got burned a little but I got burned a whole lot. It hurts, it hurts like crazy bad. Getting sunburned seems to short circuit my ability to critically analyze ideas. Not like that particular ability is stable normally (hah, never). Because of that I now have a list of things you should never put on your sunburned skin.

Things that don't work on sunburns:
1.Body scrub
(bad, bad idea. I thought that if I used something that exfoliates skin it would help scrap off the burnt skin and I would get better faster. I have no idea if that actually worked, all I know is that if felt like rubbing my skin with sand paper. Not fun).

2. Vitamin E cream
(It just doesn't do anything, it hurts to rub on and does nothing useful).

3. Pain-a-trate
(It's basically the equivalent of icy/hot, I did not know that when I put it on. I would not have tried to use if if I had known that. I just thought it was a topical cream that numbed the skin, which sounded fabulous).

4. Clothes
(Sunburns make me want to join an indoor nudist colony).

Things that work on sunburns:
1. Aloe
(It's the most wonderful stuff ever. Unless it's straight from the plant, in which case it smells awful).

2. Ice
(I am not sure if this actually helps but it makes me feel better).

Surprise, I am the new cookie monster

Yesterday something incredibly exciting and disappointing happened. I found some Tazo Focus tea, it was hiding in my Celestial Seasonings English Breakfast tea box. Very exciting stuff. I have been craving a cup of Tazo Focus for months. Literally months. Since last November, or maybe October, can't remember. There is not a store in Casper that carries the stuff. The closest store that has it stocked was Fort Collins, Colorado. I am not willing to drive down to Fort Collins for a four dollar box of tea.

Especially not this tea. It's not the best tasting stuff in the world, it is kind of nasty tasting. But like circus peanuts I occasionally get a craving for it. It's made out of yerba matte, black tea, orange essence and coca peel. Yeah, it's odd. The first sip is extremely chocolaty but after that it's pretty good. Packed full of caffeine, there is an insane amount of caffeine in Focus tea. Well, to be honest, there is a lot of caffeine in most black teas.

(photo)

Anyway. I got super excited when I found the tea bags. I immediately went and made myself a cup. It was weird, and not weird how I remembered it. That could have been because I put some milk in it. It might have been fine but the only milk I could find was canned... not the best choice.

It was kind of a let down.

But last night was a ton of fun. My sister took me out for Thankful Thursday at the Beacon, it's a country bar. Thankful Thursday is a weekly event and auction to raise money for various groups. This week was for the Reach 4A Star riding academy, they basically do what my best friend wants to do when she "grows-up" if that ever happens (no she is pretty much already there). The auction is hosted by Radio Rick, a local DJ and radio talk show host. It was a super fun night, I especially like the "bidding" wars. Not that anything got outrageously expensive, but they had a shiny box of Godiva chocolates that could not be sold. Someone ended up buying them and re-donating them, my sister eventually ended up getting them because she wanted the shiny box. It was great.

Death to dishwasher

Our dishwasher died yesterday morning. It was rather tragic, mostly because I do not want to hand wash everyone else's dishes. The handle broke and when mommy attempted to fix it via her normal methods (attacking with a butter knife) it didn't work. Thankfully we have a new handle and everything should go back to normal. At least as normal as it every is.

My life is just sooo exciting. Not.

Showering in the space time continuum

I got up freakishly early today, for a variety of reasons. First off I had lost one of my pillows sometime in the night, this is highly disturbing because then I am not cocooned in by pockets of cottony goodness and can't sleep. Then my mother came in, don't even know how early that is, and wanted to talk about me getting a job. And finally I got out of bed, before 9 a.m. (which is just wrong) because the newest resident got hired and needed to take a drug test. Which I then didn't have to take him too, so really I should be back in bed sleeping right now. But I drank to much coffee.

Mommy always turns the dishwasher on right before she leaves for school (she's a teacher, not a student). Normally this doesn't cause any problems, but since I was up so early I wanted to take a shower. Unfortunately someone got in before me, that combined with the dishwasher means I had a cold shower. Cold showers make me extremely grumpy. I tend to take that out on other people in any way I can. Including barraging them with stupid stories from college. It was great.

A COLD shower? I kill you! (photo)

What's even better is that now I am in the house alone, well except for the dog, the cat and the lurking spider (aka my brother). 

While attempting to decide what I should blog about today I ended up letting my coffee get cold. I decided to nuke it and pray the microwave didn't just burn it (it always does anyway, and I drink it anyway). I opened the microwave and there was a plate, an empty dinner plate, just sitting in the middle of the glass tray. It was the most bizarre thing ever. Which can all be explained by the fact that my mother constantly breaks the space time continuum (it's possible!), it must have gotten tired of it and started pushing all of her crap back into the real dimension. Let's just hope that doesn't happen inside somebody's head. Unless it's the lurking spider, he can get a plate in the head, it would be funny.

If they space time continuum was a person it would totally be  him. (Photo)

My ghetto car

Well something fantastic happened to my car. The door handle fell off on the inside driver door. Meaning I have to roll down my window to get out of the car. Or I could crawl over the middle console thingy and out the other door. One of the more annoying things is that I have a manual window, and the lock is right above the door so half the time I lock myself in while trying to get out. I look like an idiot.

Which is so different than normal. Not.

We got a new roommate, so now the house has six adults living here. Well, more like five adults and one teenager. I feel like most teenagers are able to make responsible decisions and shouldn't have their wings clipped because some stodgy adult can't handle the fact that there baby is growing up.

I am glad my parents never really did that to me. It would have ended really badly.

Of course I also subscribe to the free choices philosophy in life. If someone knows they are making a stupid decision and they choose to do that anyway, who am I to stop them. I've gotten a lot of grief over that opinion, some people don't understand how I can stand callously by and watch my friends destroy their lives. It was their choice, if I can't respect their ability to choose how can I call myself their friend? That doesn't mean I don't care, it doesn't mean I want them making those choices, and it doesn't mean I won't be there to help them pull themselves back together.

I firmly believe the world would be a better place if people laid off and let adults be adults. Even if that means their being childish. It would take all the fun out of rebelling. How could a teenager rebel if their parents just sit back and let them at the world.

And this went all  philosophical when I meant to complain about my car. Heh.

The insurance stuff has finally been taking care of from my last accident. But the windshield wipers still suck.

What's your coffee?

Even though I have lived in Casper for several years (well my parents lived here, I was in Lincoln going to school) and have visited for almost ever holiday my entire life I don't know much about the community. I don't go out and walk around down town. I don't even know what local coffee houses are here.

But that has recently changed. A few weeks ago I went with a friend to a small cafe called The Art of Coffee and it is fantastic. The chai is super yummy. As you can see.

Chai!

The Art of Coffee does more than just coffee though, they have an entire menu just for their drink options. It's crazy. They do lunches and I think they do breakfast too. I have never gone early enough to see if they do. On Tuesdays they have an open mic night. I don't know if it's worth going to, since I haven't had a chance to participate yet. But I am planning on it. They also sell hats, bags and a bunch of other stuff that is made by local artist. It's really cool.

It's soo good. Hands down the best chai ever.

There are a few more coffee houses around town that I want to check out. I will make sure to take pictures so I can share the awesomeness with you.

Friday photo dump

So it's Friday. Yay! And I really had nothing to blog about. Well... nothing I was ready to post yet. Which is why I am going to do a photo rundown of the year. Starting with my cousins birthday on January 1st.

She has this wig. I had to try it on 

It kind of looks like something died on my head.

The kitchen had better lighting

I am so damn sexy, rawr!

Present from my friend!

And Hello Kitty was inside! Super awesome :D

Present from my mommy. It's a container for Bubble bath.

Found this when I finally unpacked my trunk. Isn't it adorable!

I made a hat!

Wearing my old glasses cuz my new ones broke

Coolest hat ever.

Is that a jealous face? It really should be.

I hope you all enjoyed the pictures and have a fantastic weekend.

Orc face and other fun beauty tips

It was Christmas all over again when I finally decided to take a few boxes out of my car. One of the boxes had a bag with left over Mary Kay products and several tubes of clay face mask. Which is why I decided to do a little pampering and ended up with a seriously green face, an orc face.

I am gonna eat your face!

Only I would really like to believe that I look better than that with a green face. I kind of want that Viking hat though... it's awesome. Besides I am descendant of Vikings, at least I am on my mother's side. My great aunts are really into genealogy and have studied and researched a bit. Or a lot.

Anyway. I think some of the things that people (mostly women, but not always) subject themselves to is crazy. There is an insane number of products for just about every ailment or wrinkle or skin issues any one could possibly have. Sometimes it's fun to hang out with friends and do facials and gossip, who am I kidding, I love being all girly. But if the focus is on getting and maintaining perfection it isn't worth it.

Although it is really fun to freak people out, pretend to be an orc queen and chase my brother around while screaming like a banshee. I firmly believe in having fun at other people's expense.

You scream, I scream, we all scream for Ice Cream!

Some time last summer... two summers ago? I bought an ice cream machine. And just this last week I actually used it. It didn't end up so great. The entire experience reminded me of the very first time I used my waffle maker... only with way less steam/smoke stuff.

Mummy dearest has several packages of ice cream mix stuff, it's all very fancy and there are like two instructions for use. Mix with 2 1/2 cups of whole milk and pour into machine. Somehow I managed to completely screw that up. Apparently it is freakishly difficult to follow orders in this house.

I asked mummy dearest if I could swap out the whole milk with 2% ... she told me to just use canned milk. And then she walked over and handed me a can of sweetened condensed milk. Not even close to the same thing. In all honesty I cannot deride her for her mistake because I have done the same thing twice before (I generally do that about once a year when making gravy, I will open the wrong can). If you have ever opened a can of sweetened condensed milk thinking it was canned milk it would probably have given you a scare. Sweetened condensed milk is viscous and an off white color ... it kind of looks like curdled canned milk.

Well I dump the entire can into the bottom of the ice cream machine, because my mother told me too, and she turns around and freaks out. So I pour about half of the stuff out and then dump in the rest of the package and some 2% milk. I popped on the top and turned the machine on.

About five minutes later it still looks the same. The mixture isn't mixing so I attempted to mix it with a spoon while it's still churning. This would be bad idea number three (#2 being the sweetened condensed milk, we will get to 1 in a moment). The spoon catches on the spinner thing and makes a really bad noise. At this point I decide it is better to just turn it off and mix it by hand (just enough for the stuff to actually be mixed in completely).

Ten minutes later and it still looks completely liquid. Nothing is starting to ice, it doesn't even feel that cold.

The instructions for the ice cream machine state that the bottom part (it's like a giant ice block that doubles as a churning bowl) should be completely frozen before attempting to make ice cream. This process usually takes over four hours. I'd had it in the freezer for maybe three hours (this would be mistake number 1).

Then my parents got all antsy because our home phone wasn't working... Turns out I had unplugged the phone in the kitchen when I plugged in my ice cream machine. The kitchen phone is the main phone system and if it is off no phones will work ... it was not my most brilliant moment.

All in all the mix is sitting in the fridge and the machine is in the freezer waiting to be completely frozen. I started this Thursday and I still don't have my ice cream.

I want a remote for my cassette player

There is just something so wrong with that picture. A couple of days ago I rearranged my room and I now have my uber old boom box out were I can use it again. Well... the cd player doesn't work, the radio does and so does the cassette player. I spent most of the day listening to Broadway's Beauty and the Beast on tape. I feel old school.

I like sitting on my bed on my computer jamming out to the radio, or Beauty and the Beast but it gets really annoying when I can't turn the stupid thing off. Or when the radio has annoying commercials (I think this is a must for radios) and all I want to do is turn it down. I can't. Because it's so freaking old it doesn't have a remote control. I am not sure I could even rig it up to work with a remote control since all of the stuff is manual. I have to actually turn a  nob to change radio stations.

In all reality I should just chunk the thing and save up money for a new one. That leads into the problem of me having no working mp3 player... It gave me the blue screen of death and I am still hunting (not very hard) for the crap that came with it so I can (I am lost on the technical terms here) eliminate the bad program and replace it with one that will work... at least for now.

When I am all curled up in my bed I have no desire to untangle myself from blankets, books and my computer to turn the damn thing off. Instead I shoot lazer beams at it and hope it melts in fear. So far that method has proved beyond helpful. It just sits there... staring at me. I think my boom box is an undercover agent sent by the Japanese publishing companies to make sure I am not illegally reading scanned books online.

Wow... that makes me sound entirely way to nerdy.

Best character from Beauty and the Best.

When I was listening to the tape I realized that there were quite a few song I didn't remember from the movie. They could have just been part of the Broardway ... but it's also been over a decade since I have last watched Beauty and the Beast. Hmm... I feel like I need to change that.

How does five minutes always become hours?

Whenever I call my mother and ask her when she is coming home from the school (she is a teacher) she always says she'll be back in five minutes... and it always, always, always longer. Like waaaaay longer. Around several hours later.

This horrible understanding of time seems to be inherited. My father does it to, but only when referring to work and only when he's talking to my brother. It's rather amusing to hear them talk.

"It's only going to take five minutes."

Six hours later.

"How much longer?"

"Oh, only about five minutes."

"WHAT?"

"..."

It's a rather terrifying problem. And I seem to have inherited it too. Except mine only comes out when I am reading, or watching a movie, or I really, really, really do not want to do something. I can pretty much be an epic pain when I don't want to do something. It's not a pretty sight.

Last night my mother had her school Christmas program... It was pretty good. The singing wasn't so great, but that was only when the kids tried to do a three part harmony. I am going to suggest to her that she stick with single harmony songs. Mostly because it is really difficult to get a group of kids to sing in harmony, much less a rather complex three part song. And she doesn't have that many kids, maybe 20. Probably less. And not all of the kids can sing... not to be mean, but some of them can just not carry a tune. Which is totally understandable, not everyone can sing, and not everyone who can sing is understandable.

When my mom was a kid she would sing duets with her younger brother (my uncle). He would carry the tune wonderfully (he is freakishly musically talented. I am slightly angry I didn't inherit that.) and my mother would "sing" along so everyone could understand what he was saying. She tells the story a lot. Her younger sister joined them after she was born, my aunt was the cute one (this is my addition to the story, my aunt was adorable as a girl and is really beautiful now).