Meh.

2012.

Last year was definitely a meh year. Nothing horrifically tragic happened (to me anyway) and nothing overtly fabulous happened either. The year started with me being jobless, totally broke and living in a storage unit sized room in my parents house. It ended with me still totally broke, only now I am living in a spacious basement room (still in my parents house). All in all not very many exciting things happened. Mostly cuz I didn't try.

The most exciting moments were the few road trips I took, one to Lincoln, two or three to Loveland... and that's it. One of my very bestest friends pseudo graduated in May, but technically she'd received her diploma in December of 2011. So that really didn't happen last year.

A few of my other good friends bought houses, insuring I felt like an abject failure at life. Which, sadly, at the moment is fairly accurate, if you go by normal standards. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I am not in a relationship (serious or otherwise), I don't have a career, I don't own a car, I'm no longer in school, I don't support myself financially and I haven't taken life seriously for a very, very long time.

And even with all of that I feel happier right now than I have for years. For the first time in my life I am not scrambling to please someone else. I don't have to worry about teachers, deadlines, horrible bosses, and family members pressuring me into choices I don't want. For the first time in a long time I feel free. 

Not to say I don't have responsibilities, because I do. I have an awesome job, a good boss and occasionally I have to explain to certain family members that I will not be going to church for now (it's so nice to be able to choose). But even with all of that I have a freedom of choice that most people don't.

For example, at the moment I have vibrantly purple hair. It's not outlandish and neon, it's a dark purple that looks fantastic. But I was the one who got to choose the color. Some of you who have known me for a long time might be wondering why I would find that so novel, knowing that I had purple hair in college. The job I have now is relatively liberating, the dress code is minimal and so long as I show up on time and work hard I can pretty much do what I want. It's awesome.

I feel like this is going to be a time in my life that I look back on fondly. I have no one to answer too except myself and I love it. I know eventually I might want a serious relationship and to be tied down to one place by owning a house, but right now all I really want is the freedom to roam. The knowledge that with enough effort and dedication I can go anywhere.

I will admit that at first that idea was terrifying. I spent almost an entire year vacillating about were I should go next, what specific path I should choose for a career. It was frustrating. Not having a set guideline for life. No syllabus, no grading rubric, no corporate latter to climb. Nothing but the wind and a million choices. Terrifying. Electric. Almost elemental.

After spending months uncertain about anything I can now say I know what I want. I've just realized that it doesn't particularly matter when it happens. I am going to go to grad school, hopefully I can get my applications in this year but even if I don't it will still be there next year. No matter what happens in the next few days, moths and years all I have to do is keep moving forward. The only thing that can ever get in the way is myself.

Tripping on stones down memory lane

I own way to much stuff and have recently been going through it so I can hopefully stumble across a box of stuff I can just dump out. It hasn't worked so well yet. I did, however, run across a box of junk left over from high school and earlier... it's kind of scary to go through. While going through a stack of papers that consist of everything from boarding passes to letters sent from schools I found a note... a really scary note. I note that had been between me and a friend in high school. And it was entirely about these two guys we where crushing on.

Since very few people remember the code words we used for boys I feel no shame (well... very little shame) in saying the boys discussed were Larry and Rabbit. Which, in retrospect, totally did not fit the guys assigned to them. Well... Larry kind of did. But rabbit did not. At all.

...

It is scary to think how very boy crazy I used to be. Like, seriously. If I could smack fifteen year-old me I would. Right on the back of the head. Like Gibbs does to DiNozzo. At least it would make me feel better. The me now, not the me then. The me way back when (all of like eight years ago) would have just laughed at me and walked off trying (and epically failing) to act all bad ass.

*shudder*

The only consolation is knowing that most other people would like to take a few nukes and lots of C4 to their high school selves. It's an extremely awkward time. You're trying desperately to figure out who you are and what you want from life. There is the added awkwardness of living away from home the first time (this is for dorm students only). It's a crazy time to be alive.

I now have a very strong urge to hide all of the pictures of me from the time I was fourteen until I turned nineteen. Hmmm... that might actually be possible. I was great at hiding from cameras.

The box also held all bunch of my doodles, from what I saw, the doodles started around the same time I started school... they where tragic. I am not entire sure what weird genetic hang up I have about throwing things away, but it needs to stop. It kind of did. I went through the drawings and tossed a bunch of stuff. In that pile was all of my room decorations from high school... well, it was most of the magazine ads I had hanging up. Around my junior year I decided I needed stuff on the walls. I went through a bunch of magazines and took out all of the best advertisements and then hung them on my wall. Most of them are still rather amusing.

I think I might put together a collage of dorm life, consisting of all the stuff I used to decorate while living in a dorm (app. 7 years). It wouldn't be to large since most years I had the same decorations. I would put them up differently every year, but it was always the same pictures.

All in all, this has been a fun day. I have kept some stuff I don't need, but it makes me happy to look. If it makes me happy I am damn well going to keep. Now if I could only find someplace to put it...

This picture isn't as random as it looks.
In the box I found a Caption Jack Sparrow Plushie...
It's terrifying, so I thought I would go with a good picture instead.

P.S. This post was mostly for Mike, since I have been such a flake when it comes to posting. You're awesome.

How I almost sabotaged my own graduation

So basically, business as usual.

The reason I say sabotaged is because I literally finished everything, everything, the day the grades were due. As in hours before I would have had to wait until December to graduate. I only did that because I thought boss-man had e-mailed my advisor all the information she needed from him... he had. But she hadn't gotten it.

I freaked. Hard core.

I thought all the stuff had to be in the last day of August, the 31st... but nooooo. Everything was due on the 30th. Meaning I lost an entire 24 hour period with which to procrastinate. This almost caused me to graduate a semester late. But I didn't *evil grin*

Instead I finished up an entire semesters worth of homework in a few hours. Made several frantic calls to my advisor and boss-man, which ended up with me getting my degree and happily annoying my family with the sheer jubilance of my presence.

Check this out.

That is my online portfolio, which I first started putting together less than 24 hours before I turned it in. I think it is rather fantastic, seeing as I had no idea how the program worked. Still don't really. I have successfully created a website using Google, and I don't even know how I did it.

The biggest deterrent to my online portfolio was finding the correct venue in which to create it. There are several online platforms that can be used to build a beautiful portfolio, however I couldn't find a single one that wasn't designed to support art/design/photography/illustrator/etc. as opposed to writing. This was rather infuriating. Especially when I had less than two days in which to build, polish and send the blasted thing to the ultimate authority (teacher).

So instead of having a simple platform designed to showcase my fabulousness, I had to create it myself. I also need to figure out how to create my own background... I am currently using one built by someone else. Someone with fabulous taste in colors and plant life, if I do say so myself. I do.

Mhm. Yes.

So I successfully pulled my last stunt as an undergrad student. I feel all melancholy now. I mean I am classes now (awesome classes) but they are technically only the forefront of my adventure into the world of over-educated-num-chucks. Wow. My subconscious must be really excited about this.

But next week I get to start by shooting this.

So it isn't all bad.

Crossed Fingers

By tomorrow I will know if I have finally graduated! Mwahahahahahaha. I can't even begin to explain how wonky I feel right now. Emotions are flying all over the place, it's like giving a child a xylophone. A bright shiny rainbow colored one.



Life has been surprisingly similar to the Superman ride at sixflags magic mountain, in California.



College was the standing in line waiting for the actual ride, I didn't really go anywhere but it was mildly amusing if my friends where with me. Then graduation is getting in the cart, and before I even realized what was happening I had sped up to mach 5 and was flying up what felt like a super short track. Only to stop abruptly before getting to the prize. (for this example, it would be the superman statue at the end of the track.) Then, in less than six seconds, the entire trip is over and I am left standing at the exit with an entire theme park to play in.

And I have no idea where I want to go first.

Graduation looms and jobs run for hiding

A loverly friend of mine decided to inform all of Facebook that in 45 days she will be graduating. I will, hopefully, be graduating with her.

I have an unbelievable amount of homework to finish before than. It kinda sucks.

Seems like every teacher has decided to assign a research paper. Stupid teachers. I don't understand the point of research papers in general education undergrad classes. I can see having a few classes that focus on research papers. But really, nobody cares. The only point to writing a research paper is to show that you can accomplish something.

But a huge project, presentation, research paper and a comprehensive final seems a little cruel. Why can't teachers be nice and have realistic amounts of homework for the semester?

Why?

That leads into my desire to know who has decided to add more general ed classes and up the hours students are expected to work each week. How can I manage a full load of classes and working part time?

Um... no.

I refuse.

Not like I really have a choice. I want to graduate and I don't want to be swamped by loans. So I guess that leaves me slightly over loaded.

This sucks.

But it will all be over in 45 days.