road trips should go to hell

I almost died today. I can't even tell you how many freaking times.

It was horrible.

I thought the worst road trip of my life had already happened. I thought it was that trip when the girl driving had only two hours of sleep and fell asleep a few times while driving. This would have been more terrifying if I had been awake to witness it. The worst part of that trip was finding out that neither of us knew what exit to take to get to her house. Like I said it was pretty traumatic.

That doesn't include the passing on a two-lane highway, while going up a hill that had guard rails.

I thought we were going to die for sure.

Obviously it didn't happen. Barely.

Yeah, so I had previously thought that was the most terrifying road trip. Today I had to down grade that to the number two slot.

I sat in the back seat reading so I couldn't see out the front window. Most aggressive driver I have ever ridden with. Did not understand the concepts of space, blinkers or left lane cruising. He would drive fly up on the back end and not touch the breaks until he was feet away from smashing their bumper. Along with trying to run everyone off the road he would weave in and out of lanes, almost like a drunk person, but I am pretty sure drunk people drive better. Umm... I feel like there is just more waiting to pour out about how truely offal the whole experience was.

Moving on to the more horrific/slightly amusing (other than the almost dying) moments.

Okay so it is more like moment, since it was the Denver adventure. I do not like traffic. I do not want anything to do with traffic. I think any town that needs a five lane highway I do not want to live there. Now, since that is established, I would like to say that parts of Denver are like that. I know it's not as bad as other cities, but still it's pretty bad. Especially because I am used to roads from podunk, nowhere farmville (no relation to the facebook game). The worst part, other than the lane shifting, was when the six lane road spliced into three exits.

We ended up taking the wrong one. Shocking, I know. In the end it was better because the driver really had to pee, but we still got utterly lost.

It was one of those exits that has an off ramp but no on ramps. Meaning we got ourselves off in the wrong spot.

To make a long story short we ended up following the GPS back to the highway. It only took two tries because it was late and the driver was grumpy and didn't want to listen to the GPS, but thought he knew better. That wold have been an okay thing if we had known where we were going, as it was it just ended up getting us lost more.

I feel like I could have made that sound more epic. But I am to damn tired to care.

yawn ... blink ... crash.

I did not think that the drive could get any more boring. But it did. The slightly rolling hills that fade into the distance and blur together in their brown grayishness are even more boring at night. I left home early so I could get back to school before the storm. Over 24 hours later I am 96 miles away from my destination and sitting in a hotel bed.

Instead of driving all the way (about 670 miles) I decided to crash at a friends house. Which was awesome, we watched "Easy A" (great movie) crashed and got up the next morning to leave. Unfortunately (doesn't this always happen) the snow had caught up to me and I got to spend all day driving in snow ... with semi trucks flying past me.

This trip started off horribly when I found that half the buttons don't work on the face plate of my radio any more ... they worked two weeks ago when I came home and no longer do now. I was not too worried about that because I have a remote for the radio (Yes a remote for my radio in my car ... I know it's lazy) but the remote does not have a button to switch to auxiliary so I can't listen to my MP3 player. Meaning I spent yesterday night and today listening to the radio. The only channels I could get are country, Christian and scary rock.

Today started off with a bang when I tried stopping for a light and ended up on the wrong side of the road in the street adjacent to were I started (or tried to stop). It was terrifying. And the trip only went down hill from there.

Remember those semi trucks I was talking about? Well the lovely state I am driving through does not understand the concept of plowing both lanes and the right lane was slick today (add that with some wind and my poor little car can't really go faster than 40, if that) forcing most cars to drive slow. But not the semi trucks. Nooo they get to go flying down the road really fast. And in the wake of a semi truck comes lots and lots and lots of puffy snow. White out. For about 500 feet. Ish.

While driving through a semi truck white out is disgruntling I did not think it was a big problem. And it wouldn't have been if the stupid semi had not tried to stop on the middle of the freaking highway. Bitch.

Imagine driving on an icy highway with a slight breeze. The world glistens with barely restrained evil. A truck of doom goes flying past and paints the whole world in flurries of white. And them Bam. The truck is swerving in front of you and when you pull off the road to avoid becoming truck kill a tow truck pops out of no where. With great reflexes you manage to avoid getting squashed or hitting the new obstacle, only to have the big white dodge truck behind you not be able to stop in time. It has been a ruff day.

After the fender bender accident the roads got nastier and nastier and I drove like a little chicken shit. For the last hour of the trip I was going less than 20 mph and riding the rumble strips to make sure I was still on the highway. The inside of the car was burning up because I was attempting to keep ice from building up on my windshield (it did not work). Just before stopping for the night it got so bad that I was trying to knock the ice off my windshield whippers with my hand, not an easy task while driving in a blizzard.

My car is now stuck in the parking lot of the hotel and I don't know if I will be able to get it out tomorrow. I did not pack an over night bag and I was so not going to haul in my big suitcase so I repacked a small bag in the parking lot ... getting snow all over everything. When grabbing my coat it slipped out of my hand and fell on the ground, getting covered in snow.

I finally got settled into my hotel room and into pajamas when I realized I had left my cell phone charger in the car. Since my phone was in the process of dying I had to get redressed (putting on wet canvas shoes is gross) and tromp back out through a foot of snow. The second time trying to put on my pajamas I face planted and gave myself some nasty carpet burn.

Over all what started as an annoying but necessary task has ended up as a horrible predicament. At least I have free Wi-fi and coffee.

And tomorrow comes the last 96.

Crazy drivers

I had thought that my various trips to California had shown me the craziest drivers in the world. I was wrong. I was driving around town a few days ago and I pull up to a stop light where the car in front of me is in both lanes. It was a two lane road and the dude was just chilling in the middle. I didn't know what to do so I stopped a normal length behind him. The next car that pulled up (I was in the left lane they were in the right lane) and forced his way up next to the crazy middle of the lane driver. By doing this they blocked the right turning lane. I hate people who do that.

I also hate left lane cruisers. I want to carry a rocket launcher in my car on long road trips so I can blow up the left lane cruisers. Especially the ones that are going ten miles UNDER the speed limit. Seriously, they need to stop.

Yes I am going to pass you pull in front of you and then slow waaaaaaay down. Cuz I am awesome! I HATE drivers like that. Omg I want to kill them too.

I just want to forcibly move any driver that is keeping me from reaching my destination in a reasonable time (meaning significantly faster than should be possible).

And people who don't use their blinkers. Why do we have blinkers if you aren't going to use them? "I'll Kill you!"

I don't particularly like people who cut me off... But if they use their blinker I don't get mad. However if they don't use their blinker I want to ram the back of their car.