I hate subpar service

I do not want whipped cream.
I do not want a larger size.
I do not want fries.
I do not want any of that crap.
Further more if I did want it I would tell you.
But mostly I really, really, really do not want that fucking whipped cream. NO.

This is not my first time at this establishment, but if you keep asking me asinine questions it might be my last. The last few times I've gone to Starbucks they have put whipped cream on my latte. I don't dislike whipped cream but I don't like it on my lattes. I don't really like it on anything, when I do eat whipped cream it tends to be on pumpkin pies and only on pumpkin pies. Or just a bowl of whipped cream, totally healthy.

My last visit to Starbucks was a super unpleasant experience. They said the chocolate chai latte was super good. They lied. Shit was super gross. Granted I should have known better since I haven't had a good chai latte from Starbucks ever (iced or a frappuccino is okay, but still not as good as a homemade one). Adding the chocolate, which turns out is the mocha mix, was a horrible idea. They only good mocha is either peppermint or white chocolate. The straight up mocha is disgusting (at all coffee places). Thankfully the barista was more then willing to give me a different drink for free. Unfortunately she kept asking me if I really only wanted a black coffee. Dude. Asking once makes sense, but if you keep saying "Are yous sure" it's a good way to get hot coffee thrown in your face. Yes, goddamn, I am sure. If I didn't want it why would I ask. All of the lattes are terrible, the tea is gross leaving black coffee as the only palatable menu item.

Which, quite frankly, is sad. Because everyone knows Starbucks coffee is brunt to the ninth hell. And lots of people like that. I am not a big fan, but at least the burnt taste is consistent.

Back to the bad experience. All I wanted was to sit, surf the internet and enjoy a cup of coffee. They have three outlets in the entire store, at least ones customers can reach. Someone was sitting by each one. Which is kind of douche of the people, I always thought there was some unwritten rule about not sitting by outlets unless you needed them. Guess that's just me. If you are a coffee house you really should have more than three outlets. Like, really, what the hell. All in all I would rate that experience at a two on a scale of five. It could have been worse but I still ended up leaving to find someplace with outlets and internet. Both of which put me in a super pissy mood.

Starbucks you fail here.

So to all of the business' out in the world. Stop asking asinine questions and just give me exactly what I ordered. It's not that damn hard.

Showering in the space time continuum

I got up freakishly early today, for a variety of reasons. First off I had lost one of my pillows sometime in the night, this is highly disturbing because then I am not cocooned in by pockets of cottony goodness and can't sleep. Then my mother came in, don't even know how early that is, and wanted to talk about me getting a job. And finally I got out of bed, before 9 a.m. (which is just wrong) because the newest resident got hired and needed to take a drug test. Which I then didn't have to take him too, so really I should be back in bed sleeping right now. But I drank to much coffee.

Mommy always turns the dishwasher on right before she leaves for school (she's a teacher, not a student). Normally this doesn't cause any problems, but since I was up so early I wanted to take a shower. Unfortunately someone got in before me, that combined with the dishwasher means I had a cold shower. Cold showers make me extremely grumpy. I tend to take that out on other people in any way I can. Including barraging them with stupid stories from college. It was great.

A COLD shower? I kill you! (photo)

What's even better is that now I am in the house alone, well except for the dog, the cat and the lurking spider (aka my brother). 

While attempting to decide what I should blog about today I ended up letting my coffee get cold. I decided to nuke it and pray the microwave didn't just burn it (it always does anyway, and I drink it anyway). I opened the microwave and there was a plate, an empty dinner plate, just sitting in the middle of the glass tray. It was the most bizarre thing ever. Which can all be explained by the fact that my mother constantly breaks the space time continuum (it's possible!), it must have gotten tired of it and started pushing all of her crap back into the real dimension. Let's just hope that doesn't happen inside somebody's head. Unless it's the lurking spider, he can get a plate in the head, it would be funny.

If they space time continuum was a person it would totally be  him. (Photo)

Childhood paranoia and adult freak outs

Last night a childhood fear struck with a vengeance, it's one I had totally forgotten about and the reason why I sleep surrounded by pillows. I don't know why I have this fear, I am not even sure there was a cause (other than freaky books). As a child I was afraid that snakes were curled up at the bottom of my bed and if I stretched my legs out they would eat me, unless there was a pillow between me and the snakes. I am not kidding. I am fairly sure I used to think that goblins would get me if I didn't have a pillow between me and the wall. Yeah... I can't remember what was going to get me if I didn't have a pillow on the other side of my bed, but I am almost positive it was nasty.

I also used to hate using the bathroom because I thought trolls lived in the sewer and they would pull me down when I wasn't looking. Specifically through the toilet, which is ridiculous, there is just no way I could have ever fit down a toilet pipe. Ironically this fear did not follow me to outhouses... which really doesn't make any sense. For years I would never take my eyes of the drain when taking a shower. I have had no relapses with this paranoia, apparently bathroom trolls only want kids.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much used to freak me out as a kid. It's amazing I ever left my room.

A paranoia that I still have, and that is almost crippling at times, is the fear that someone is hiding under my bed. Or those creepy stairs that don't have a back, so someone could reach through and grab me. *shudder*

Not cool. I hate those stairs. I basically hate anyplace someone could hid and catch me unawares. I constantly have to suppress the urge to check my trunk for potential kidnappers. I hate walking on a sidewalk that is right next to the road, I actually hate being within ten feet of a car, specifically vans. And parking garages... those just scream "I am a potential Murderer/Raper/Kidnapper's wet dream!"

Hmmm... wow. I have issues.

The reason I had a relapse into childhood fears of snakes at the bottom of my bed is because I stayed up late reading. Not that the book had anything to do with it, but whenever I go without sleep for a while it sneaks up on me. I will try to stretch out so I can sleep only to be almost paralyzed with fear and unable to relax enough for sleeping. It sucks. The only way to fall asleep is to curl up into a tiny ball and hope I am can just pass out.

Also zombies. I am terrified of zombies. I know they don't actually exist, but I can't watch movies with zombies. The few times I did I couldn't sleep for days without having nightmares. Just talking about zombies gives me the heebie-jeebies, things freak me out. I would much rather be attacked by a serial killer than a zombie... Well... maybe not. They all freak me out.

This adventure sucks.

I would say that I want to go home... but I already am.

The last week has just been really rough.

I lost my job, got chewed out by one of my teachers (will explain that momentarily) and totally thought I was getting hit on by a freaking 17 yr old (more on this as well). Basically life has just been kind of sucky and I don't really have anything happy going on.

When I was in Lincoln I got some fun pictures, but that is about the only exciting thing that's happened.

Yesterday I got called out, after class thankfully, about doing a Sudoku during class instead of taking notes. His actual words were "What kind of message do you think that sends to your teacher? And what about your classmates?"

I really wanted to snap back "I have a freaking communication degree, I know what message I am sending!"

Unfortunately because I have a communication degree I know better than to follow my impulse and snap something sassy back. But it was super close. I had practically no sleep the night before, was trying to figure out how I was going to get a job and on top of all that I had to sit through an hour long lecture that had been taken out of the book almost verbatim. I was not in a good mood and my teacher was trying to explain to me, like a was a first year, what message my actions broadcasted.... it was irritating to stand there quietly, explain how I can't focus and take notes at the same time and then promise to not do Sudoku in class again.

By which I plan to rip it out of the book and set it on top of my notebook so it does not appear that I am doing a Sudoku.

On to the funniest story I think has ever happened to me. At least super close to the funniest story ever. Um... so, well, here goes.

Yesterday, it was rather exciting day, I got a text from this little seventeen-year-old who does not realize that  after three months I have still never returned a text... I really just want to ask him if he was stupid. Anyway. I was in hurry getting ready for class and I get a text from him asking me to go to prom with him... I obviously did not think that through because prom isn't until the end of the year, but I replied with the fact that I was in class all evening (I felt bad and leaving someone hanging for prom is just not nice). Well then I get this text asking me "Wut bout prom nite? wanna git it on?" (this is a direct quote of the text I received). Well that freaked me out. I mean the kid is way younger than me, right? So nasty.

Well, turns out... When I got to school I checked my phone again trying to figure out how to politely turn him down. I looked at the text again and realized it was from one of my bffs... She can be such a punk. The funniest part of this little shenanigan is that before I realized it was from my friend I had called one of my other friends and left a freaked out voice mail...

Let's just say I was alternately amused and mortified.

And on that happy note. Here is a picture of the blanket of death I have been working on.

This is just great

There is nothing in this world as awesome as dragging my ass out of bed early to get an article done for work only to find out that it doesn't need to be done until tonight... so aggravating. I don't think I would have minded over much except for the fact that I was at work before 8 a.m. today. That is freakishly early. Normally I am not even out of bed by 8. There is rarely a time I have the brain power to be a functional person before 10 in the morning. Seriously.

Worst part is that it was totally my misunderstanding. I thought the article was going to be late, but then found out it wasn't going to be late until tonight... so I had all day to work on it. This makes me grumpy. Very grumpy. It also makes me want more caffeine. More COFFEE!

I want coffee ice cream.

Update: Getting up early does funky things to my body, I can't tell if I am sick or just rejecting morning. Either way I feel like puking, not a pleasant feeling when trying to write a feel good article.