Another thousand words? Why?

Why write 50,000 words in one month. Why write anything at all. Why do I even get up in the morning.

It seems to me that all three of those questions are linked. What is the point in living if I am not going to change someones life. What is the point in getting out of bed if I am not going to make the world a better place. What is the point in being if I don't cause joy.

This world isn't an easy place to live. My friends aren't superficial, they have problems. I have problems. Times feel like I am sitting on a stationary bike, trying desperately to get some where, but all I am doing is tiring myself out. So why try. Why do anything.

Not an easy question to answer. If I push to hard into the depths of human emotion I always find myself coming up short. There is no easy answer, if there is an answer at all. Life is what I make it. Life is what I strive for. I can either continue to live as robot, repeating the same monotonous motions. Or I can throw myself into the world and live. Not just survive. But truly live. To let emotions take me on the crazy ride, to never stifle my instincts. To laugh with joy and the simple things. Take a step back and really find the important things. To find my priorities so I never lose them.

And that is why I write. Because when my fingers are flying across the keyboard (occasionally standing still) in that moment I am living. I am sending crazed monkey pirates after my main character and maybe she escapes, maybe she doesn't. But in that moment I let down all my walls. Writing is an avenue to expression everything. A way to show what I find myself unable to explain. Concrete evidence that I am a living, breathing person. Not just another robot in a cage.

Writing is my way of screaming to the world.

"I am alive, here is the proof. And you cannot stop me!"

It's my small, almost unnoticeable, way of staking a claim in the future. Of creating a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that is a little closer, a little better. A new place.

I've finally figured it out... sort of

I think I have discovered the art behind National Novel Writing Month. Instead of doing any planning (which did not happen this year) I am just going to let the words flow. And if that means by December I realize I have to cut out half of them, well then, that's okay. Because I would not have the other half if I didn't write them all. Instead of attempting to write up character sketches and background stories, I am going to make it up along the way. Decide I want to jump from fantasy to scifi. Great!

Actually I kind of just did that. It's going to be a spectacularly story.

I have realized, in the last three days, that I kill stories with over planning. I want sooo badly to be one those authors that has sub plots in book one that turn into the main plot of book three. An author that carries the story all the way through the entire series without it feeling like disparate. I want the entire series to feel whole, like nothing is lacking. And it seems to me that the authors would really have to plot the ever loving stuffing out of the story to do that. Which is why I always attempted to do that.

But I've written more and it's been easier when I just write without really having a course. It's like starting out a drive without any idea of where I am going, or how much gas I have, or without any idea if I even have money. It's a little terrifying, but it's so exhilarating. I almost feel as if I am flying. The smooth transition between scenes, the dialogue that flows like real conversations, the tragic things that are about to happen to my MC.

Okay, so that last part kind of sucks.

But I've decided if I feel like something is interesting I am just going to add it in and pray it works.

8 days...

Somehow November has managed to sneak up on me, again. It seems like only a few months ago I was busily running around typing madly on my computer... not an entire year. I cannot believe an entire year has gone by. I am experiencing a rather nasty shock.

Last year was my first year participating in NaNoWriMo, or just nano for all those who've drunk the crazy before. National Novel Writing Month was started by someone awesome (Chris Batey? I think) as a way to help hopeful writers finish a manuscript. The whole point is to write 50,000 words in one month. The month chosen for this psychoticness was November. I've been planning on participating in nano this year, but I have absolutely nothing ready. Not a damn thing. Last year I had this nice little outline and character sketchs and stuff. This year? I have a nebulous idea that is sort of floating in the back of my head under "This might be interesting."

I might just dive in anyways, I mean the worst that could happen is I don't get the word count. Which is what happened last year and I am not torn up about it at all. Having a super lax attitude just might make this possible, maybe.

In other news, my mother has gone of the deep end. She bought Nanoblocks. They're evil. It's basically Legos but for adults, and they are tiny. Freaking little things. They also have instructions like Legos does, no words, all pictures. I took me for freaking ever to finish the first thing I built, it's cool looking, but I swear I spent over an hour putting the little pieces together.

Once I find where I hid my camera I will put up some pictures of them.

This is the one I put together. The entire thing fits in the palm of my hand.

Essence of insanity

I have found the truth behind insanity. I blame it entirely on one thing. National Novel Writing Month. Just writing it makes me want to break down crying. I don't think it is physically possible to write 50,000 words in a month. For real. I want to shank something, preferably the pile of steaming crap I have spewed into a word document for the last ten days. By the time November ends I think I may well be dead.

It's started

The madness has commenced.

Here is where you will find the crap I have spewed fourth onto paper so far. None of it has been edited ... I was seriously considering not letting anyone near this draft, it is by far the worst thing I have ever written. Enjoy.

Please don't leave mean comments. Wait until it's edited to leave mean comments. Constructive comments are welcome anytime.

A warning

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of my slowly encroaching death, my final day of death will be Nov. 30. Why? Because I am a world class idiot. Because starting in 50 min the clock starts ticking. The countdown until the end of NaNoWriMo has begun.

In reality that means that I will, most likely, not be posting anything this month. Not a damn thing. Between righting 50,000 words, a short story, a research paper, two newspaper articles every week, another research paper, about twenty late assignments for stats, and a side project helping friends edit their papers, oh and work... can't for get that, I am going to be swamped in November. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am going to be a flaming bitch who is in likely hood going to develop caffeine allergies from the amount of coffee I will be consuming. On top of everything else that I am going to be doing I will also be making my Christmas presents, some paintings, scarfs and hats.

This next month is shaping up to be one of the busiest in my life and I planning on kicking ass. Or getting my ass kick. We'll see what happens.

Anyway the short of this post is to say that I will not be posting this next month in less some awesome freak event happens that must be shared... so I guess at some point I will be writing a something on here. I will also be posting a link to my other blog (yes I do have two blogs, Oh no!), the blog that is specifically for my stories. Be jealous.

More NaNo stuff

I was reading a manga last night and found this page and couldn't help but apply it to my life and how I feel during NaNo. This is not my drawing, but I did change some of the words. Nor is it my scanlation. Basically I have no right to put this on my blog and if anyone wants me to take it down they can e-mail me and I will.

Enjoy.

The NaNoWriMo Song

A dear friend of mine wrote this song parady and I thought it was to much fun and I that I must share it on my blog. So thank you my dear friend for creating such a wonderful mater piece.

To be sung to the tune of "Part of That World" from The Little Mermaid

Look at these words,
Aren't they just neat
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl,
The girl who writes all the things

Look at this page
Stories unfold
How many secrets can one sentence hold?
Looking around you would think:"She wrote everything!"

I've got widgets, and similies a-plenty
I've got run-ons and mixed metaphors
You want sub characters: I've got twenty!
But who cares! No big deal! I'll write more!

I'm ready to write all the things I write
I wanna see, wanna see my word count
Growing along with my... what's the word?
... Words!

Ready to write, ready to zoom,
Ready to stay all day in my room...
What could it be? Where will I be?
Writing more words!

What would I give, if I could type, straight from... my brain?
What would I give to spend a day away from my screen?

Bet you my friends don't understand,
They all think I'm off my rocker!
"NaNoWriMo, Oh my novel, Oh my handsssssssssssssssss!"

I'm ready have 50,000 words,
Ready to see all my friends and family,
Strolling around in the cool November... sun!
Ready to walk, ready to run
Ready to have my novel all done!

Crazy like me?
Wish you could be...
Part of my "world"?

Motivation

Tomorrow is Friday! Which a huge deal because I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. This horrible because I am about five chapters behind in my statistics class. A friend in my writers group posted this video which I watched instead of doing homework. It is a great clip that I suggest you watch. It is great. I love the part about the genie that helps creative people be great.

My writers group is called "Tea with the Mad Hatters." It is the best group ever. A friend of mine decided to start a writers group and I was giddy when she asked me to join the group. It made me realize that other people think I can write too. Being recognized by other people makes me feel all warm in tingly inside, like I actually have a chance at doing this for a career.

Most of my group has decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. As I talked about earlier how I am also going to be participating. I am feeling anxious for November to start so I can begin working on the story that is coming together in my head. At the same time I don't want November to start because then I will be sleep deprived, caffeinated beyond reason and a crazed.

I told a friend what NaNoWriMo was and he didn't get it. He asked me if the novel was going to be published if I finished it in a month. When I told him that it wouldn't be unless I solicited it, he thought the whole thing crazy.

"What's the point of doing this?" was the question he asked.

I couldn't explain to him my reasoning behind wanting to do this. Wanting to write a novel in a month. Wanting to be crazed, depraved and insomniac from caffeine. If I succeed and write a novel in a month it means that I have done something very few people have done before. But it means more than just succeed at something most people will never try, it is a way to confirm that I can write. By participating in NaNoWriMo I am acknowledging my desire to be a writer. I am acknowledging my ability to write. I am acknowledging that I can be successful as a writer. Because the only way to succeed in the writing world is to write and to finish writing.

If I cannot every finish a manuscript I will never be a writer. To be able to write a story in a month is crazy, but the process of actually putting my story on paper will give me the confidence I need as a writer to continue. The confidence to move forward in life with gusto. And that is way I am participating in NaNoWriMo.

Jokes and sweet potatoes

Three sweet potatoes/yams have been sitting on my desk for almost a month. I have been meaning to go over my friends apartment and bake them, but I never have time. One of my friends told me that if I stuck them in a slow cooker with some water, they would be edible. My sister also agreed with this assessment, so began the perilous journey of sweet potato soup.

I skinned the first sweet potato and it was the weirdest thing ever. It looked like a giant orange rock. No joke. I thought I had found some mystic stone that would imbue my slow cooker to always make great soup, but alas no, that definitely did not happen. After cutting up the first naked sweet potato I realized that only one would fit in my itty-bitty teeny-weeny white-ceramic pretty. Okay... that was stupid. But yeah, the one sweet potato filled up the entire slow cooker.

I wasn't sure how much water to put in, and so I filled the slow cooker almost to the top, so all the slices where touching water, if not submerged completely. Did I already mention how small the slow cooker is? Yeah it's tiny. About a third the size of a normal slow cooker. It is a one person serving size. Unless it comes to sweet potatoes, than it's not.

Supposedly it takes around seven hours to cook sweet potatoes... that is unless you put to much water in the slow cooker. Than it only takes about two hours, and you get water tasting sweet potatoes. Weirdest thing I have eaten in long time.

With some salt and butter and mashed up (which was easy since the water-logged slices fell apart) it wasn't the worst thing I have ever tasted. It was just a weird consistency, it was not the same as when they are baked.

Anyway. On a completely unrelated note a friend sent me this link and I wanted to share it because it was so funny. For any one who has/or will participate in NaNoWriMo this should give you a smile.

nano wrimo

Enjoy the jokes at another's expense.

Nanowrimo

November is National Novel Writers Month. Why am I pointing this out at the beginning of September? Because I just signed up to do it. For those of you who don't know NaNoWriMo is an entire month that is dedicated to writing a novel, to be more specific it is giving writers a specific time and amount. 30 days to write 50,000 words. Which is approximately 174 pages.

This is my first year participating and I don't think I will be able to meet the 50,000 words by the deadline. I would need to write 1,667 words a day to make the deadline.

I always thought it was called a deadline because by the time you actually made it across you were dead. At least that is what it seems like in my college classes.

You may be wondering why I would subject myself to such a brutal program. Why would anyone try pump out that many words in one month? Honestly I don't know. I just know that I want to try, that I want to pour out all of my creativity on this project. I know I will hit the point when everything seems hopeless when the words won't come, but I am going to write anyway. It is a challenge that will force me to grow as a writer. And probably not sleep for a month as well.