Pre final jitters

It's like I am getting married, being given a death sentence or have just been told I will be forced to listen to "Whip My Hair" on repeat for eternity, all at the same time. I am feeling nauseated, repulsed and down right bitchy.

Basically it all adds up to "this is the last week before finals" jitters.

I can't concentrate for the life of me. Extreme caffeine induced bliss is quickly followed by death, damnation and destruction. I can't decide it I want to break out singing "Thriller" or grab a Nerf Sword and beat people with it, repeatedly.



Or break out the Nerf double headed ax.



All of which is happening because I have gotten to little sleep and consumed to much coffee. This is a reoccurring phenomenon. I am almost positive the only reason I don't remember how horrendous I act at the end of every semester is because of the insane amount of endorphins my body releases when I finally wake up from death sleep (the great collapse that follows the last final).

It's a little like being pregnant. The only reason women do it again is because their body releases a bunch of happy after almost dying, so they don't remember the trauma of pushing a ten pound ball of death out of their bodies.

That is mildly disturbing.



There that made everything better.

I feel like I had some ingenious thing I was going to wax eloquently on. And for the life of me I cannot remember what it was. Damn.

Awkward. Awkward. NOOOOOO!

The most mortifying experience of my life happened about five minutes ago.

A friend got a chocolate milkshake from an acquaintance of mine. Being the little brat that I am I decided I needed to text him and find out why he had not given me one as well. He had no idea who I was. This did not please me because we have been fairly good friends in previous years and I was mifted that he had my friends number but not mine.

After a few jokingly not nice text messages he seemed very upset that I was not telling who I was. Well I decided I could not have gotten anymore hints than I did, so I told him my name.

He still didn't know who I was.

I had (shocking) not been texting the person I thought I had been texting. I had said some not nice things the other person did not realize were jokes.

Epically embarrassing.

On a completely unrelated note. Don't ever by fluffy peach mallows of doom. Nastiest shit ever. It foams up in your mouth and does a good example of "human with rabies."

Not a pleasant sensation.

Mid-night grocery shopping

The last few weeks I have ended up going grocery shopping after midnight. Mostly to get creamer when I have run out and forgotten to get it earlier. But I always end up getting more stuff than I go in for. It's the grocery store phenomenon.

So last night I was meandering through the produce section deciding if I would really eat those apples or if they would just rot in my fridge when I saw them. Cuties! Only the best fruit ever.



I grabbed a bag and went to checkout. Well it turned out that my cashier had no idea what she was doing. The bar code had been "cut" off and only the bottom portion was visible. Instead of looking for the other bar code that was on the opposite side of the bag she tried typing it in manually. But even in that she failed. She should have just punched in the numbers, which were perfectly legible, and called it good. Alas, she tried putting them in as produce which automatically weighs the fruit.

The bag ended up "costing" ten bucks. I was not happy. Two other cashiers came over and tried to figure out what was wrong. Even with three of them there they couldn't get it to work. Eventually a cashier service manager found his way over to us.

After telling him what had happened he told the cashier to just give me the oranges. Best shopping adventure ever.

As an added bonus I found the coolest mug on Amazon today. I don't think I need to explain it. Everything should be understood with this picture:



Does it need any more explanation?

I think not.

The curse of Pandora

I have issues with Pandora. The stupid internet radio thingy. Don't get me wrong, I think the idea is ingenious. It's just that the execution is sadly lacking.

Every new station I start is cursed by the man who sings "Over the Rainbow." I think his name is Israel "IZ" Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole. I think the song is pretty cool. Anything accompanied by a Ukulele is freakishly awesome.



But when I have a station based off of P!nk's music I just don't see the correlation between the songs.

Anyway. That was not what I was going to talk about. While I am curesed by a Hawaiian man playing the ukulele on every Pandora station there is an even worse curse.

I have a really bad habit of tuning out any background noise when working on homework, this includes music. Well even though I am tuning it out occasionally (okay it's way more than occasionally, it's all the fraking time) I will start to sing along with the song playing, wither I like it our not.

I sitting minding my own business catching up on my blog reading when all of a sudden I notice I am singing along with a song. Then it hits me what song it was. I was singing "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith.

What is wrong with Pandora that it would have even played that song? Why?




I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.
I whip my hair back and forth.

I really hope that song is going to be stuck in your head now too.

Seasoning fail

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -Mark Twain

The last few days have been evil because I am waking up around 6:30 a.m. and not being able to fall back asleep. Which means I spend the rest of the day in mildly caffeinated stupor of "hmmm ... Did you say something?"

I decided last night that I wanted to make sweet potatoes. This has ended badly on several occasions. I do not believe this to be one of them. Although the seasonings were a little off.

I dumped in way to much cinnamon (the bottle is not conducive to shaking out small amounts), and then only a little bit of cumin, turmeric, and curry powder. Then I cut up a garlic clove and dumped that in with some salt.

Once again I put in to much water and got water logged sweet potatoes. Still the weirdest thing ever. But they smelled amazing.

Infinite wisdom from a dead man

I had a strong urge to blog today, but I don't have much to say or anything funny to illustrate with superfluous words. I have found, instead, quotes that apply to my life. You may have fun trying to figure out how they apply.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. —Ludwig Wittgenstein

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. -Mark Twain.

Warning: not a funny post

No seriously, this is going to be a very serious post. Well at least my attempt at being serious, which is questionable at best and giggle inducing at worst.

I read a note today that said "Love never fails."

I am inclined to disagree. Okay, fuck that, I totally disagree. Love fails all the time. Why else is their divorce? Why is there murder? Why to people lie, cheat, scorn, steal, ridicule, mock, and hate?

Basically if "love never fails" why is there so much anger in the world? Anger comes from unfulfilled love, not always, but a lot of the time.

Love is the worst emotion in the world, once you find it you have to work to keep it, and when it's gone the other person has to work to forget it. Basically it's a bunch of work and no play.

If that is the representation of love on this earth, which I strongly believe is, I want no part of it.

Things found in the dorm

Other than waking up to a bathroom covered in condoms (it was April 1st, and a rather amusing prank) things have been a little kooky in the dorm recently. I went to use the bathroom and found out that about half of the toilet seat was missing. It was just gone *poof*! Leaving about 3/4 of the seat basically useless.

Then there was the fabulous poster advertising "squeezing your lemons." I later found out it was to advertise a talk about breast cancer, but it is still weird to see a naked women who has had her breasts replaced with lemons placed next to a poster about a worship.

Also this week I kicked ass at Mario Kart Wii. Along with several times getting my ass kicked. Basically just realized that I have a knack for video games and am pretty good at them. Occasionally. Not as often as I would like, but eh.

A very good friend of mine had a rather embarrassing moment this last week. Her pants were falling down and instead of just pulling them back up she thought it would be funny to moon the hallway. Since no one was behind her it should have been fine. Well just when she dropped her drawers, her boss walked around the corner and saw everything. Poor girl spent the next ten minutes collapsed on the floor laughing.

Best moment ever.

"Aprille what is wrong with me?"

"I don't know. But you should patent it."

Um... what?

The last few days have past in a blur of apathetic senior on the verge of failing. Everything was going fine until I realized there are very few days left in this school year. Part of me feels like this



And the rest of me feels like this



I have how many days to finish all this freaking homework I have put off all year? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. FML!

It's not all that bad. I think totally I only need to write about 45 pages of bull shit to finish this semester.

Damn. That seems so much worse when written out.

A three Dimensional family tree: what happens when cousins marry

A wise historian once said that if you always marry in the same gene pool the IQ will go down the toilet.

I really want to know if this includes adopting people into the family line. Yes, my aunt, by adoption, is now my mother-in-law. How freakishly confusing would that be?

Very.

Thank you August Julian Caesar for making a cobblers knot out of the princps line for the Romans. And by extension me.

What were you thinking? Hmm?

I am awesome and have no male children so I am going to use my daughter ruthlessly in the marriage game. First I am going to marry her to one of my cousins, then I am going to name him my heir only to have him die suddenly.

Okay new game plan. I am going to marry my daughter to the man who is second in command. Then when he dies I am going to marry her to some other dude who will eventually take over as the second princps of Rome. But only after almost all of my grandkids are dead and a few other random relatives as well.

Yes. So... he was a world class jerk to his daughter. On the bright side he did wonders for holding the country together and ended up being deified and worshiped for centuries.

And that is where Rome went wrong.

In other news I am dying for a week of nothing so I can finish up all the papers I am needing to write. FML. I am thinking about being a career student.

Degree in Communication: Check
Degree in Graphic Design: Check
Degree in Bullshitting People: Check
Masters in Concealed Weapon Carry: Check
Doctorate in Nothing Anybody Gives a Shit About: Check

Sounds good to me.

I almost have the first one. So all I need to do now is start working on the next one. Personally I would like to jump straight to my Masters. How cool would it be if I could actually get a degree in Concealed Weapons? Freaking awesome, that's what.

I am honestly thinking about going on to get my Masters. But it seems so intense. At the same time I would be the first (at least in my immediate family) to get my masters. What a minute.

Damn.

I think my sister has her masters in teaching.

Fail.

Okay so moving on to Doctorate degree. Because I want to spend the rest of my life working on some obscure thing no one but me will care about. Yes. Sounds super fun. In a completely dull and uninteresting kind of way.

Maybe I can get my doctorate in stand up comedy.