Windshield wipers are about as helpful as printers

I am going to find the person who designed the timer on my wipers and do something really nasty. Like lock him in a room with my brother after he's had a turkey sandwich, or some other inhuman treatment. I know. I will shove him into an elevator with Richard Simons and make sure the music playing is "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" by Cher, and it will only play that track, over and over, again and again, until the man dies from shock.



Why am I this angry over a the timing of my windshield wipers? Because it has three settings: are the wipers even on?, rain on highway, and so fast the wipers obscure vision without help from rain.

Only one of which is helpful and then I have only needed that setting like twice in the year I have owned my car. The slowest setting takes over ten seconds to cycle. Ten seconds. In what world would it ever be raining slow enough to take ten seconds to make vision difficult? It never take that long.

But if I am driving through town and it's sprinkling I have the options of raining windshield vs. squeaking blades because there is not enough moisture to effectively work. Neither is a good choice. I can either risk death by not having clear vision of the road or attempting to ram the back of another car because of the high pitched keening let out by the wipers.

Or I can just manually hit the wipers every time I need to see out my windshield. This gets very annoying, very quickly.

Since there is no good option I try to drive in the rain as little as is possible. And surprisingly this strategy has worked wonderfully. It would have continued to work wonderfully if I had not gotten an e-mail letting me know the book I had on hold at the library was finally in. Since it's been an epically long wait of maybe six days.

Anyway. I hopped into my car all psyched to get this book I have been absolutely dying to read. Fly through traffic while manually working my stupid wipers. I pull up in front of the library and there are no cars in the parking lot. Not a single car. This in a parking lot that rarely has more than five open spaces, ever.

I had forgotten that today is parade day and every office that can finagle its way into closing early does. This includes all public services. Stupid library.

Well I was rather pissy, seeing as how I will now have to wait longer to get that book I've been wanting to read. When I got back home I actually read the e-mail, instead of just the subject line. It wasn't even from the local library. It was a book I had put on hold three months ago in the Lincoln library. So annoying.

The part no one talks about...

Yes. I am talking about the after college breakdowns. The moments at night when I fly out of bed sure there is some assignment due tomorrow that I haven't finished yet. The ever oppressive feeling of things not accomplished, that goes hand-in-hand with the ball of dread located somewhere close enough to my stomach to make eating difficult. The eye twitches followed by caffeine withdrawal symptoms. Most note-ably shaky hands.

The agitation that comes while I am compiling a mental list of tasks and I realize I have done everything I need to do. Not only that but I have done several things I didn't ever need to do.

I hate waiting. I just want the stupid monster to jump out of the closet so I can beat it with my war hammer and go back to sleep.

I could never be a spy. Half (or more) of that job is waiting. It would kill me within the first mission.

Anyway.

Something super funny, mildly awkward, happened to me today while at Starbucks (I, alas, was not drinking coffee... like I said earlier I am trying to stop my insane caffeine consumption). I was writing a letter to a friend, minding my own business, when this guy sits right down at the table next to me. I was sitting on a long bench with three small tables, it was divided up to be individual but close enough that a group could sit and discus stuff. I was surprised because he could have sat one more down and left empty table between us. Then, and this is the kicker, he leans over taps my shoulder (I was listening to my mp3 player) and offers me a cup of cherries.

I am not joking. I was offered a cup of cherries by a strange man at Starbucks.

I didn't even know what to say. I just politely refused and went back to writing my letter. Honestly, who even does that?

New and exciting things!

I got an internship, which I would be more excited about but the owner is old school. Meaning I have to bring it or get fired. Not exactly something I want happening, especially after that whole cavewoman fiasco. Stupid old hag.

Yes. So I start next Wednesday. At least I think I do. The creative director called me sometime this morning, I was asleep, and told me when to come in. Hence why I say I think I start Wednesday. Anyway. It's a really cool advertising agency that I am not going to talk about a lot due to defamation and nasty law suites. If I never talk about I can't ever be caught saying something bad. Not that I will. But just in case.

The thing that has me worried is that I haven't really written anything since the last article I wrote for my school newspaper. It's been quite a while since then. I am having minor panic attacks that go something like this:

"OMG. I can't do anything. Writing is the ban of my existence! Why, oh why did I ever think I could possibly do this for a living? I think I was dropped on my head as a baby (does going down the stairs in my walker count?) and can no longer string words together in a harmonious and intelligent manner. Fuck."

Anyway the really exciting thing is that I just got a new comforter. It's the first time in my life I have ever owned a new comforter. The last few I have used were handy-me-downs from my oldest sister. Yeah, I am super psyched!

It's green with white flowers ... okay not really it's more like a green background with a screen print of flowers in white. It makes me happy.

Best of College

From 2007 until 2010. The best moments in pictures. Unfortunately I do not have pictures of some of the most epic moments. Or at least those pictures are not exactly internet appropriate. Yes, you know which pictures I am talking about.

These pictures are not in order. I am way to lazy to do that. I thought about captioning them all ... but that would take more energy than I want to put into this post.

Enjoy the snapshots from my college life.



























































































































Yes... There are way more pictures. This was about half of them. I decided that I will just post them tomorrow.