Windshield wipers are about as helpful as printers

I am going to find the person who designed the timer on my wipers and do something really nasty. Like lock him in a room with my brother after he's had a turkey sandwich, or some other inhuman treatment. I know. I will shove him into an elevator with Richard Simons and make sure the music playing is "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" by Cher, and it will only play that track, over and over, again and again, until the man dies from shock.



Why am I this angry over a the timing of my windshield wipers? Because it has three settings: are the wipers even on?, rain on highway, and so fast the wipers obscure vision without help from rain.

Only one of which is helpful and then I have only needed that setting like twice in the year I have owned my car. The slowest setting takes over ten seconds to cycle. Ten seconds. In what world would it ever be raining slow enough to take ten seconds to make vision difficult? It never take that long.

But if I am driving through town and it's sprinkling I have the options of raining windshield vs. squeaking blades because there is not enough moisture to effectively work. Neither is a good choice. I can either risk death by not having clear vision of the road or attempting to ram the back of another car because of the high pitched keening let out by the wipers.

Or I can just manually hit the wipers every time I need to see out my windshield. This gets very annoying, very quickly.

Since there is no good option I try to drive in the rain as little as is possible. And surprisingly this strategy has worked wonderfully. It would have continued to work wonderfully if I had not gotten an e-mail letting me know the book I had on hold at the library was finally in. Since it's been an epically long wait of maybe six days.

Anyway. I hopped into my car all psyched to get this book I have been absolutely dying to read. Fly through traffic while manually working my stupid wipers. I pull up in front of the library and there are no cars in the parking lot. Not a single car. This in a parking lot that rarely has more than five open spaces, ever.

I had forgotten that today is parade day and every office that can finagle its way into closing early does. This includes all public services. Stupid library.

Well I was rather pissy, seeing as how I will now have to wait longer to get that book I've been wanting to read. When I got back home I actually read the e-mail, instead of just the subject line. It wasn't even from the local library. It was a book I had put on hold three months ago in the Lincoln library. So annoying.