I hate subpar service

I do not want whipped cream.
I do not want a larger size.
I do not want fries.
I do not want any of that crap.
Further more if I did want it I would tell you.
But mostly I really, really, really do not want that fucking whipped cream. NO.

This is not my first time at this establishment, but if you keep asking me asinine questions it might be my last. The last few times I've gone to Starbucks they have put whipped cream on my latte. I don't dislike whipped cream but I don't like it on my lattes. I don't really like it on anything, when I do eat whipped cream it tends to be on pumpkin pies and only on pumpkin pies. Or just a bowl of whipped cream, totally healthy.

My last visit to Starbucks was a super unpleasant experience. They said the chocolate chai latte was super good. They lied. Shit was super gross. Granted I should have known better since I haven't had a good chai latte from Starbucks ever (iced or a frappuccino is okay, but still not as good as a homemade one). Adding the chocolate, which turns out is the mocha mix, was a horrible idea. They only good mocha is either peppermint or white chocolate. The straight up mocha is disgusting (at all coffee places). Thankfully the barista was more then willing to give me a different drink for free. Unfortunately she kept asking me if I really only wanted a black coffee. Dude. Asking once makes sense, but if you keep saying "Are yous sure" it's a good way to get hot coffee thrown in your face. Yes, goddamn, I am sure. If I didn't want it why would I ask. All of the lattes are terrible, the tea is gross leaving black coffee as the only palatable menu item.

Which, quite frankly, is sad. Because everyone knows Starbucks coffee is brunt to the ninth hell. And lots of people like that. I am not a big fan, but at least the burnt taste is consistent.

Back to the bad experience. All I wanted was to sit, surf the internet and enjoy a cup of coffee. They have three outlets in the entire store, at least ones customers can reach. Someone was sitting by each one. Which is kind of douche of the people, I always thought there was some unwritten rule about not sitting by outlets unless you needed them. Guess that's just me. If you are a coffee house you really should have more than three outlets. Like, really, what the hell. All in all I would rate that experience at a two on a scale of five. It could have been worse but I still ended up leaving to find someplace with outlets and internet. Both of which put me in a super pissy mood.

Starbucks you fail here.

So to all of the business' out in the world. Stop asking asinine questions and just give me exactly what I ordered. It's not that damn hard.

A new family member joins the clan

Earlier this week my sister had her baby boy. It's very exciting. This is the first time one of my siblings had a kiddo. It's a little weird, but mostly just awesome.

Here is a picture of my cat, Beast, because I haven't gotten pictures of the baby yet. He had to go the hospital today to check for jaundice. It's a little nerve wracking, having someone so little that I love so much. Knowing that I can't do anything to keep him safe is uncomfortable. I kind of understand why some parents are control freaks.

Living in the eye

It seems like it's been forever since the last time I wrote anything. Not just on my blog, but for short stories and just for fun. It's like my brain just shut down. No more energy, no more writing. Part of that was because I had the worlds oldest computer (it was running Windows XP and had like maybe 70 gigs on the hard drive) and the other part was a lack of anything good to write about. I really dislike people who are constantly bitching about how shitty their lives are. I feel like they either need to stop fishing for compliments or do some serious thinking about who their friends are.

Not that horrific things don't happen to good people with loving, supporting friends. But it always seemed to me that the people who bitch the most have friends who inflame the drama. And no. Say no to drama. And crazy people. Love the crazy people and stay far from their drama. Eventually everyone has to grow up. At least that is what I keep telling myself. That and "I do what I want" are my two new catch phrases.

Several months ago my computer went down in flaming glory. My cat jumped on my bed and the computer fell off. The internal fan broke. I could only run the computer for about ten minutes before it overheated and died. Every time I watched the screen go dark a thread of terror went through me, thinking I had finally lost all my files. Luckily I backed up my computer way before this happened. Mostly cuz it was hella old and I expected it to stop working at anytime. So the horror was completely ridiculous. Doesn't mean I didn't freak out every singly time it happened. I am awesome that way.

Thankfully my family is fabulous and I now own a newish computer. It's really pretty with it's glowing green keyboard and blue alien head. Makes me happy. Which is something that I should work towards more often. Seems like not a lot makes me happy anymore. Not that I am angry and depressed all the time, it just sort of feels like all emotions are surface emotions. They sort of chill and then slowly fade into the background leaving me feeling slightly off kilter. The best way I have to describe what I have been feeling is sleepy. It's like I've not really been awake for the last year. Not numb and not no emotion; just sort of a placid lake. Eventually I will have to dive back into the chaos of life, but right now I'm just chilling.

Some might call it being content. They would be wrong. I am not content with my life. I feel like I have accomplished nothing since graduating college. Over two years ago I stood in front of a large crowd, wearing the polyester tent of doom (also known as a gown) with a noose around my neck (a hood, I still don't understand the purpose of that) and the worlds worst designed hat on my head (the tassel has a gravitational pull towards mouths), I was then handed the most expensive piece of paper ever. It feels that way when I go to pay off student loans every month.

And then what happened?

I spent months looking for a job in my field. I found nothing. At least nothing I was qualified to do. I needed to have at least three years work experience, five would be preferred, or I needed to be a college student. Or a college student. That hellishly expensive paper meant I didn't get a single letter or call from perspective employers. The magical line had been crossed and I was stuck in shitoutofluckville. Still am. The no-mans land of work experience. Not enough to mean anything paired with too much education. It royally sucks.

Most of my friends have had this experience for themselves. They have had to pull themselves out of the depression that builds as they watch their dreams go down in flames. In the last two years I have witnessed the change, the untold heroics of perseverance. I have stood by in awe, watching as my friends pulled themselves together and kept going. Waking up every morning, going into a job they hated because it was the only way to get slightly closer to their goals. I have watched as they beat against walls, searching desperately for any way through. I have watched as they realized that they'd have to build their own doors. From there I've watched some give up, but mostly I've watched as they knocked down the obstacles. Nothing is as beautiful as a person who keeps chasing their dreams. They are the living inspiration for my life. Those are the people I want to emulate. I want resolve. I want to stand behind a table signing copies of my book, the one with a Newberry Honor stamp on the cover, and tell them they can do it too.

Well. That sucked.

That awkward moment when you just got out of the shower and can't remember if you actually washed your hair or just got it wet. It seems like the older I've gotten the more things slip through the cracks. I just don't remember. Sometimes because it didn't happen and others cuz it wasn't important when I was doing whatever. I'm not sure this is a recent problem, but I can be in the same room and just not hear what's being said. Family plans will be made and I will have no idea because I wasn't paying attention. I was definitely wrapped in my own problems. Sadly that just causes more problems.

"We told you."
"You didn't."
"You were in the room when we talked about it."
"...."

After several years of this happening you'd think people (mostly family members) would realize they need to ask me if I heard. Not just assume I was listening to the conversation. I can hold mostly complete conversations and not remember them. If my attention if focused on something else it's gone.

What people should see when I'm not listening.

I can actually listen to what is being said, just some days it takes more energy than I want to use. Being lazy can cause all sorts of unanticipated problems. On the bright side, if you don't care about being left out of group meetings and pissing off all your extended family members, it really is a much easier way of life.

Buddha is my copilot

It's a literal statement. I have a Buddha statue bookend that a friend gave me (read: I absconded with it) and  have as yet to take into my temporary abode. Temporary because if I don't use that word I get all depressed and feel like a failure for living in my parents basement after getting a college degree. A degree I haven't really used in the last year. Because I am the ultimate in lazy. And exhausted.

There are so many things I took for granted when growing up. Ideas, mostly, but other things. Like the fact that I have parents who let me make my own mistakes. People who let me grow into an adult without the horrors of clinging parents. I will admit that some days I almost wish I'd had parents who took a large interest in me as a teenager. And then I realize how obnoxious and over bearing and irritating that would have been and I am unbelievably thankful my parents have brains. Not that clingy parents don't have brains; they just don't use them.

Complete candor. I thought I was done with the whole social awkwardness thing after high school. And to an extent that's true. It's just awkward in new and unpleasant ways. Like explaining how I really don't want to be in a serious relationship. I really will never be going back to church (exceptions being family events: baptisms and stuff) and while I am thankful I grew up in a minority, conservative religion it is not something I subscribe to anymore. Growing up in a minority group, and it is a minority group even though it has nothing to do with ethnicity or race, can give people a better understanding of love and compassion. Those two ideas have been the prominent cornerstones of my life so far and will continue to be the ideal I measure life by.

All of which is a last ditch effort to keep my family members and friends from being too judgmental when I say that I am not a Christian. Nor will I be leaning that direction for decades, if not the rest of my life. A few people will read this and not be at surprised; the rest will be mildly disappointed but not overly shocked. I really hope there is no one who reads this and is completely shock. If you are completely gobsmacked take comfort in the fact that we must not be friends, or even remote acquaintances anymore.

A large part of me wants to just bury this post, delete it and pretend that everything is fine. And that would be wrong. Both to myself and my family. I have been told I'm brutally honest. Something I've been working to change, honesty is good but brutal honesty can be deadly. Certain situations require tact or just straight up silence. For the last two years I assumed this would be the best case scenario. Just keep quite, don't speak up and don't disappoint anyone.

And now we get to the real problem. I have a fantastic family (a little crazy, but totally awesome) and friends who would drop everything if I needed them. I do not want to be a disappointment. I don't want to become just another statistic that gets shown to teenagers in church school about adults that leave the church. The fear is just about crippling. I grew up with these people, went to little one room grade schools, a boarding academy and a college that were all part of one institution, one religion. I know that I could go to any major city in the world and find an Adventist church. Even if I didn't speak the language, wasn't dressed right and was completely inept in their culture they would take me in. No questions asked. Because we shared a religion. It's kind of awe-inspiring.

When looking back on it I am surprised I could walk away like I did. Granted it wasn't very far and very, very few people knew. And now I guess more do.

Basically what I'm saying is that I can't lie to people anymore. Even by omission. And then asking very nicely that you not hate me.

But mostly it's a huge thank you to Justin. You are possibly the most brave person I know.
And a thank you to Bex, for not letting me crawl into a hole and pretend the world doesn't exist.

Ultimate lazy in blogging.

Here are some fabulous FYAS Owls for your enjoyment. I know I enjoyed reading them.

Hopefully the snarky will return in the following week or so.

Would you like a cucumber, oh wait, that's a zucchini

I did more training at work this week, but this time I got to do the cooking. It was fun, kind of terrifying when you look up and see a whole bunch of tickets hanging and you can't read the hand writing very well and you aren't sure how to make the orders. All things considered it went okay. None of the orders got messed up and everyone seemed happy and full when they left. Being a restraunt we really can't ask for more. Just happy costumers and really good food.

The most difficult part was not getting pickle juice all over the sandwiches. We use a lettuce leaf, an orange slice and a pickle as a garnish. It looks good, tastes good and has a bad habit of getting pickle juice all over the plate and coincidentally the sandwiches we put on the plate.

I guess this might have been more amusing if I'd already posted the stories about the espresso machine. That just means you get to anticipate the awesomeness. Hopefully that will get done sometime this week... I see you judging me. And I'd have to agree. Probably not going to happen.

Coming soon. Why adding avocado to a panini can make a mess.

mmm. A surprisingly soon fail

I wish I could say I had a bunch of stuff to blog about. And I do, sort of. This last week at work was kind of crazy. I ended up working 8.5-9 hours most days with practically no breaks. Not that I couldn't have taken a break, but it always feels like if I sit down shit is not going to get done. Sadly that is very true. The things I planned to blog about ended up not happening because of timing and really, really shitty internet. I can't even begin to express how sloooooow it is.

Although all that aside, today was like the day from hell. Not even joking. It started around 3 or 5 this morning when my cat would not shut up... If it wasn't for the fact that I don't believe in animal abuse and that I don't own a gun I would have shot the stupid thing. Okay that's not true. I wouldn't have shot Beast even if I did own a gun. But it does make me think I need to buy a spray bottle and squirt him when he goes off. It's sooo irritating.

Starting off the morning with a lack of sleep is horrible, what's even worse is when you keep walking up a pathetic mewling meow. And then realizing you slept past your alarm clock and have less then twenty minutes to get dressed and to work. When it takes about 20 minutes to get to work on a good day. It was not a pleasant start. And it only got worse when I couldn't find my glasses. And then I couldn't find my keys... Even after trashing my room I couldn't find them. I ended up going to work with my spare car key. Work was one disaster after another. I kept getting the orders wrong and knocking glasses full of liquid on the floor.

Thankfully I got to go home early and take a much needed breather before my aikido class that night. I ended up finding my keys buried in my bedding. Who sleeps with their keys? I mean, really. I almost nailed a freaking shopping cart in the middle of the high way on my way to class. I am so thankful I didn't, but still. Why the hell was their a freaking shopping card in the dark in the middle of road with a relatively high speed limit.

Then I ended up not even finishing this post for almost a week. That week just knocked me out of my routine and I just could not find the energy to care about blogging. Which in turn kind of stressed me out. Funny how everything manages to get more stressful when one thing goes wrong.

High school Mishi

It has recently dawned on my that I was crazy in high school. And not for the usual reasons. I thought I was super fat in high school, having graduated from college being a good chunk heavier I know that to be false. But I don't think I ever had clothes that fit right. A few months back (last November) we moved into a new house and I have slowly been going through super old boxes. I've found several outfits that fit correctly, but I bought them in high school... I clearly had no idea how to dress in high school.

Thankfully I had a few wonderful friends who pulled me out of my dike phase. It was unpleasant. The pictures are awful. But at least the clothes were comfy. Even if I did look like a more mature version of Justin Beiber. Okay so that isn't really true, but it's a rather amusing comparison.

Anyway, it was a nice change to put on clothes that fit instead of finding them to small. That always really sucks. Especially if they used to be baggy. Talk about a major ego bust. I used to keep clothes that were to small because "I was going to loose weight" and be able to fit in them again. Yeah. Talk about majorly delusional. If I do loose a bunch of weight it means I deserve to buy myself new clothes.

Products that fail

I have been meaning to write about this for probably six months or more. So this is not going to be a completely accurate account of the things that happened. More of a vague I kind of remember that tasting freaking awful.

Chocolate filled Twinkies. I don't know why I thought it would taste okay. Normal Twinkies are the nastiest thing I've ever eaten. With the exception of that time in seventh grade when we put ranch dressing on Twinkies. *shudder*

The chocolate ones tasted disgusting. It was like someone took baking soda and oil and a little bit of coco powder and stuffed it inside something that should never be called food. I am unclear on what happened with the Hostess situation but if they never make Twinkies again I would not be sad. Although I have heard that a deep fried Twinkie is delectable.

Next up would be Pez. My loverly mother bought me an Iron Man Pez dispenser (it's super cool). But the candy was no good. Especially after it sat around in my room for a few months. That was just weird. It was alternately soggy and stale. Not that it was actually soggy, it just tasted like what I think soggy food would taste like.

The last item for now is those flavor milk straw things. I tried to look up the name but all I got were milk snakes. Fail google. *sigh* if my internet connection was better (as in didn't drop for several minutes ever hour) I would spend more time finding the name. As is it won't really hurt my sad little review. Those things suck. Granted I only tried the banana flavored one, but still. It tasted like bananas for the first sip and after that it was slightly sugary milk. Not impressed. The chocolate ones might work better but I am loath to try. It didn't even help to leave the straw in the cup of milk for a few minutes. Then it was just room temperature sugary milk. Soy milk worked better, but not by much and I think that was because the vanilla soy milk occasionally tastes kind of like bananas anyway.


And now for a funny. This has absolutely nothing to do with this post but a friend shared it with me and now I feel the need to share it with you.

Learning to fail in new and interesting ways

Normally I don't do new year resolutions. I feel like if I make a list I will just fail miserably. Mostly because I used to have a rather large self destructive streak. I still do at times, but living with only myself to answer to has gone a long way to tone that down. Way, way down. It's kind of nice.

That being said, I think I am going to do resolutions this year.

So without further ado, my stuningly long list of resolutions:

1. Blog everyday this year. (And I'm already behind. Fail. But not for long)
2. Finish a manuscript. (I have never finished a story in my life. I know, it's almost unbelievable)
3. Apply to grad school (really this should be under the 2nd because without a finished manuscript I can't apply. Hence my lack of applying in the last two years.)

For the most part it won't be super difficult. If I work a little on them each day it will be totally possible.

I might just take a page out of Justin's blog and pick topics for each month. Or actually check Brittany's blog, she always has funny pictures up (her blog is totally awesome). Because nothing says original like "hey I found this on someone else's blog..."

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday season.

Meh.

2012.

Last year was definitely a meh year. Nothing horrifically tragic happened (to me anyway) and nothing overtly fabulous happened either. The year started with me being jobless, totally broke and living in a storage unit sized room in my parents house. It ended with me still totally broke, only now I am living in a spacious basement room (still in my parents house). All in all not very many exciting things happened. Mostly cuz I didn't try.

The most exciting moments were the few road trips I took, one to Lincoln, two or three to Loveland... and that's it. One of my very bestest friends pseudo graduated in May, but technically she'd received her diploma in December of 2011. So that really didn't happen last year.

A few of my other good friends bought houses, insuring I felt like an abject failure at life. Which, sadly, at the moment is fairly accurate, if you go by normal standards. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I am not in a relationship (serious or otherwise), I don't have a career, I don't own a car, I'm no longer in school, I don't support myself financially and I haven't taken life seriously for a very, very long time.

And even with all of that I feel happier right now than I have for years. For the first time in my life I am not scrambling to please someone else. I don't have to worry about teachers, deadlines, horrible bosses, and family members pressuring me into choices I don't want. For the first time in a long time I feel free. 

Not to say I don't have responsibilities, because I do. I have an awesome job, a good boss and occasionally I have to explain to certain family members that I will not be going to church for now (it's so nice to be able to choose). But even with all of that I have a freedom of choice that most people don't.

For example, at the moment I have vibrantly purple hair. It's not outlandish and neon, it's a dark purple that looks fantastic. But I was the one who got to choose the color. Some of you who have known me for a long time might be wondering why I would find that so novel, knowing that I had purple hair in college. The job I have now is relatively liberating, the dress code is minimal and so long as I show up on time and work hard I can pretty much do what I want. It's awesome.

I feel like this is going to be a time in my life that I look back on fondly. I have no one to answer too except myself and I love it. I know eventually I might want a serious relationship and to be tied down to one place by owning a house, but right now all I really want is the freedom to roam. The knowledge that with enough effort and dedication I can go anywhere.

I will admit that at first that idea was terrifying. I spent almost an entire year vacillating about were I should go next, what specific path I should choose for a career. It was frustrating. Not having a set guideline for life. No syllabus, no grading rubric, no corporate latter to climb. Nothing but the wind and a million choices. Terrifying. Electric. Almost elemental.

After spending months uncertain about anything I can now say I know what I want. I've just realized that it doesn't particularly matter when it happens. I am going to go to grad school, hopefully I can get my applications in this year but even if I don't it will still be there next year. No matter what happens in the next few days, moths and years all I have to do is keep moving forward. The only thing that can ever get in the way is myself.