The Cavewoman is announced

This is the part of the post were I am supposed to be typing loudly in all cap letters about how excited I am to have finally found an internship. The only problem is that I already know how the internship will crash and burn, which keeps me from joyously annoying all grumpy people with blithe stories from my life.

It all started on a regular day, as many stories do. I went up to my division to visit with teachers and restock my coffee cup, mostly to get more coffee. While I lounged on the blue love seat with a refilled cup of coffee my advisor flounced up to me and said the words that sealed my doom.

"I've found an internship you might be interested in."

"Really?" I replied barely containing my jubilation. "What company is if for?"

"I don't remember," said my advisor. "But, a nice lady called me earlier asking about communication majors who need internships. Since I know you still need a second internship to graduate I gave her your name."

"Sweet. What does the company do?"

"Well it's a non profit company that helps (the description will be left out because I like them, even if my contact was a bitch), and they want you to write a grant."

"Oh." I have never written a grant before. It sounded difficult. But not too difficult. "Can I get her number?"

And thus began the downfall of my last semester of college.

Everyone knows the very first thing do to when presented with a possible job is to research the company offering said job. I went to the non profits website (after my advisor found out the name, which is only mildly important).

It was the worst website I have ever seen. Seriously. They had six different tabs that had a single line of information written on each different page. Since the website had no information on it I was forced to search madly on the internet for anything remotely related.

After finding every possible link brought up on Google I thought I was well enough informed to call my contact lady, who for all future references will be called the cavewoman.

This is our phone conversation to the best of my memory, which is tainted by a red sea of rage.

"Hello?" cavewomen

"Hell-" Me

"Hello?"

"-" Me. This is the part were it all goes down hill, I was thrown off by her interruption.

"Hello?" Cavewoman

"Hello, my name is-" Me

"What?" Cavewoman

"My name is-" Me

"What?" Cavewoman

"My name is Mi-" Me

"What?" Cavewoman

After about six interruptions I am finally able to tell her my name and purpose for calling.

"My advisor said I should call you," Me

"Yes, I am looking for an intern who can write a grant. Have you ever written anything before?" Cavewoman

"Yes, but I have not written a grant before." Me

"That's fine. Do you know what the organization does?" Cavewoman

"Yes (short explanation of non profits work." Me

"Did you even look at our website?" Cavewoman

"Yes..." Me (Am I supposed to say that the website sucks balls on the first meeting?)

"Well what about the other things we do? (list of shit they do)" Cavewoman

"I'm sorry your website did not mention that, but I did find it mentioned in the local newspaper." Me

"Oh, the website doesn't mention that?" Cavewoman

"No." Me

"Oh. Well do you even want this internship?"

"Yes." Me (Lady why would I have called if I didn't want to internship?)

Then we set up a time to meet. It ended up being the day after I called her, which was way sooner than I would have been able to meet if I had not just put together my portfolio for a class.

Then comes the wonderful part were she tells me what to bring.

"Okay we will meet at this location." Cavewoman

"Okay, what type of writing sample do you want me to bring?" Me

"Well bring a writing sample and a list of classes you have taken." Cavewoman

"Okay." Me

"Also bring a list of jobs you have worked previously, like a resume." Cavewoman

"Sure." Me

I have a brilliant idea, why don't I just bring my resume? Apparently me being a senior in college means nothing to her. The whole thing with the writing sample was so stupid. If I am applying for a job to write a grant, which I would suggest not doing, why in all the seven hells would I not bring a writing sample?

This is the point I should have realized there was no way on earth I could work with the cavewoman effectively. But no, I was so desperate for an internship I completely ignored all the signs saying "Working for this lady will be a blow to your self worth since she critiques everything and assumes you know nothing" and "I am a bitch."

Next time I will talk about the joyous interview and who that should have tipped me off as well.