You scream, I scream, we all scream for Ice Cream!

Some time last summer... two summers ago? I bought an ice cream machine. And just this last week I actually used it. It didn't end up so great. The entire experience reminded me of the very first time I used my waffle maker... only with way less steam/smoke stuff.

Mummy dearest has several packages of ice cream mix stuff, it's all very fancy and there are like two instructions for use. Mix with 2 1/2 cups of whole milk and pour into machine. Somehow I managed to completely screw that up. Apparently it is freakishly difficult to follow orders in this house.

I asked mummy dearest if I could swap out the whole milk with 2% ... she told me to just use canned milk. And then she walked over and handed me a can of sweetened condensed milk. Not even close to the same thing. In all honesty I cannot deride her for her mistake because I have done the same thing twice before (I generally do that about once a year when making gravy, I will open the wrong can). If you have ever opened a can of sweetened condensed milk thinking it was canned milk it would probably have given you a scare. Sweetened condensed milk is viscous and an off white color ... it kind of looks like curdled canned milk.

Well I dump the entire can into the bottom of the ice cream machine, because my mother told me too, and she turns around and freaks out. So I pour about half of the stuff out and then dump in the rest of the package and some 2% milk. I popped on the top and turned the machine on.

About five minutes later it still looks the same. The mixture isn't mixing so I attempted to mix it with a spoon while it's still churning. This would be bad idea number three (#2 being the sweetened condensed milk, we will get to 1 in a moment). The spoon catches on the spinner thing and makes a really bad noise. At this point I decide it is better to just turn it off and mix it by hand (just enough for the stuff to actually be mixed in completely).

Ten minutes later and it still looks completely liquid. Nothing is starting to ice, it doesn't even feel that cold.

The instructions for the ice cream machine state that the bottom part (it's like a giant ice block that doubles as a churning bowl) should be completely frozen before attempting to make ice cream. This process usually takes over four hours. I'd had it in the freezer for maybe three hours (this would be mistake number 1).

Then my parents got all antsy because our home phone wasn't working... Turns out I had unplugged the phone in the kitchen when I plugged in my ice cream machine. The kitchen phone is the main phone system and if it is off no phones will work ... it was not my most brilliant moment.

All in all the mix is sitting in the fridge and the machine is in the freezer waiting to be completely frozen. I started this Thursday and I still don't have my ice cream.