The begining of the end

Today marks the first day of the end of days. Well the end of my days in college, before I can finally go on to bigger and better things. Students are slowly filtering back on campus and all of the new students are here for orientation week. I think it is hilariously funny that all new students are required to go to orientation for a week, and that it is a class credit that continues throughout the semester. I would have shot myself. So obnoxious.

As I am standing (more like siting) on the threshold of my final year in college I was wondering what I have learned these last three years. Has my time, effort, and money been wasted or will I walk away with a better understanding of the world?

I don't know. I can sit down and make a list of things that I have "learned" in school, but it is the lessons I have learned from my friends that will impact my life forever. It's not the class, it's not the teachers, it's not the books that I have learned the most from, it's from the people I spend everyday with, the friends that I hang out with. Those people are the ones that taught me what it means to be human. They taught me what it means to screw up, they walked me through the worst and best moments of my life, helping and supporting when I needed it most. In college I have faced some of my worst fears and at times I have failed. I Failed to choose the best outcome, instead I have hurt people, I have been hurt, and I have caused pain that could have been avoided. The only thing I was missing in the moments before choosing what would turn into something ugly, was experience. I try to live each day to the max, always looking for something new and interesting, but I have only lived 21 years.

Being young and idealistic makes choices difficult. I want to keep looking for the loop-hole, the one way everything will fall into place. I want everyone to be happy and working towards a better life, but that can't happen. Some people don't want to be happy and they will be damned if they don't take everyone down that road with them. Not like I am ever like that. Nope, not me.

If I said I was looking forward to all the wonderful things that will be happening this year I would be lying. The truth is that I am dreading the things that will happen this year. I am dreading the failed expectations, thankfully it won't be me failing this time. I am dreading the massive amount of work it will take to apply to grad school. I want to take my friends who are just super excited and combine our feelings so we are both hopeful while being realistic.