I looked back at my first ever facebook status update. It pretty much explains my personality to a T. "Michelle Current is totally going to fail her philosophy quiz" was my first ever status update, it was on January 15, 2009.
Finding that update was a pain inducing process, it required me to go through every update I had ever made ... They were not pleasant to read in retrospect. Over half of them made no sense, it was some inside joke that I have since forgotten. I don't think I had any updates that could be called intelligent or witty. All of my updates are trite, vapid, and self involved. I felt like one of those stupid bitches that doesn't take the time to focus on anything outside of their sphere of influence. It was an uncomfortable realization. I have always wanted to be funny, clever, and intelligent, but I am more bitchy, trite and vapid.
It is uncomfortable to be shown exactly how far I had fallen from what I want to be. It's like being slapped in the face, realizing that everything I have every done really didn't have any meaning, and it certainly didn't have any humor. I am not sure what to do with the information I was presented with. I can ignore it and continue to be a hypocrite that hates on people just like me, or I can accept what I am and move on, or (most likely) I can begrudgingly accept it and make very little progress towards being a better person.
I originally started blogging so that I would be writing consistently, but I haven't been putting any thought at all into my recent posts. Which basically makes it pointless to continue as I am, so look forward to a more introspective and interesting blog (maybe).
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